Forty is (the new) fabulous

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-02-22T21:11:00.000-08:00

It's still technically Wednesday! What a crazy busy day! Whew. Anyway, last week I lost 2 pounds, for a total of 107.3 pounds. I've now lost 127.4 pounds since my highest recorded weight. Today I weigh 187.6.

This was not a good week in terms of exercise. I haven't run since Valentine's Day and I had only had two days of intentional exercise. I did take Toby for walks so I guess that's good, and I went with Bella for a walk yesterday. My head is not in the game this week at all for two reasons: physically I haven't been feeling well and I've been spending a lot of time with Toby. Also, reading a lot on the internet about dog behavior. I've never had a dog before so I have an awful lot to learn.

Anyway...I walked 85 minutes on Wednesday and Thursday was a planned rest day since I'd exercised for 7 days straight by then. Friday I planned to run but we got Toby and were running around getting dog supplies. Saturday I felt horrible and did nothing all day. Sunday I walked for 70 minutes and now it's Wednesday. The days seemed to fly by and I just haven't been feeling well. I was supposed to be at my monthly support group meeting tonight but had to work late and I'm super bummed that I missed it. Tonight's topic was probiotics.

If you've been following along with my too-big pants dilemma, you'll be happy to know that I got two new pairs today. I ordered them from Eddie Bauer since I've had such good luck with their stuff in the past. I got the Blakely Legend Wash Chinos in a size 14 and they fit really nice. Still slightly too big in the waist, but doable. Now I have to get them hemmed. I can't wait to wear them. DH keeps chasing me around the house trying to grab my butt. Dumb boys. I'll post a pic after I get them hemmed.

Ok, that's it for this week. Apologies for getting behind again with your blogs. I'd finally caught up and thought I'd be back on track, but getting the dog and not feeling well has kind of thrown my schedule for a loop again. I promise I'll get caught up again as soon as I possibly can.

Friend Makin' Monday: Travel

2012-02-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

Meet Toby

2012-02-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

This is Toby. We adopted him on Friday and I couldn't be happier. I've been bugging my husband for a beagle for years. We knew we'd get one eventually but weren't really sure when. We knew we wanted a rescue and that we didn't want a puppy. Fate is what happened Friday.

Here's what we know about Toby: nothing. He was picked up by the SPCA last month wandering the streets. They took him in and waited for his family to claim him, but nobody ever came. They estimate that he's 2 years old. He went up for adoption Friday and headed to a mobile adoption fair, held at the cafeteria at my husband's company.

So, Friday was a weird, weird day. The stress of my job situation is finally getting to me and I actually ended up going home sick around lunchtime. The past couple of weeks have been incredibly stressful and it's taking a toll...I'm nauseous all the time, I've been having horrible headaches and I'm not sleeping well. I left work early and crawled into bed the minute I got home. I fell asleep immediately but the phone rang a couple of minutes later and woke me up. I didn't answer it. DH started rambling on the answering machine and I was so disoriented and confused. I picked up the phone and he told me to get in the car and bring $120 because he adopted a beagle. I got dressed again, hit the bank and headed to his work. At this point I had no details whatsoever. I got to his job and he filled me in on the mobile adoption fair at his company and we walked over to meet my dog. This was definitely not how I thought my Friday was going to turn out!

Toby could not care less about the cats, and they are doing amazingly well with him. Three of the four have been nose-to-nose with him and they've slept within inches of each other. He sleeps on his bed next to my side of the bed. He tried to jump up on our bed but it's too high. I'm pretty glad about that actually. We already have the cats up there with us. They get to maintain that safe place plus we don't have to wrestle for space with a 25 pound dog.

Today we took him to our vet and he got a clean bill of health. She agreed with the SPCA vet's estimate of him being about 2 years old.

We considered changing his name, I wanted to name him George Clooney, but every time we said 'Toby' his head whipped around. We didn't think he'd really be attached to the name Toby since that's the name the animal shelter gave him and he'd only had that name for a month, but he definitely knew that was his name. So, Toby it is!

He is so sweet and extremely mellow. His tail never stops wagging. He picked out a fuzzy squeaky toy at the SPCA while we were getting his leash and he loves that thing.

It's so weird because we had planned to get out of town this weekend but couldn't seem to decide where to go. It kind of seems like fate now. Instead we spent all weekend bonding with our new dog. We both have the holiday off tomorrow, and I took Tuesday off as a vacation day. Everything just kind of worked out perfectly. It was meant to be. Right now. I'm in love.

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-02-15T20:11:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! It looks like working out like a maniac has rewarded me with my second consecutive loss. Last week I lost 1.6 pounds for a total of 105.3 pounds. Today I weigh 189.6. I'm finally in the 180's! Woohoo! Last month I'd set a goal to make it there by Valentine's Day. Only one day late...not too bad! I reached 199 on October 26 so that shows you how long it took me to lose 10 pounds. Four flipping months! It really does slow down as you get closer to goal. According to the BMI chart, I have another 34.6 pounds to go though I'm not sure that's where I'll actually end up. I also have to keep in mind that my plastic surgery will remove roughly 10ish pounds. I'm meeting with the surgeon in June to discuss my timeline for that.

Even more exciting than the loss is the fact that I ran 2 miles without stopping for the first time this past week and I've done it twice since then. In the immortal words of Kelly Espitia, I felt like a warrior! I think I'll break from the training program a bit and hang here for the next 3 or 4 runs. I'd like to get really comfortable with this before I move up another 10 minutes. Maybe increase my speed a tiny bit. I run really slow but at least I'm airborne! I'm so proud of myself. I couldn't even run this far in high school so this is a huge accomplishment for me and it's done wonders for my self esteem.

Yesterday I set off in search of new pants based on your comments on the pictures I posted on Monday. I really appreciated that you guys told me they were too big because I honestly didn't see it. I had lunch with my mom yesterday and she was horrified that they were so big. I guess I'm still really bad at seeing myself how other people see me. Anyway...I attempted to buy new pants, I really did. The trip, however, was a complete failure. After searching for what felt like hours for chinos or similar pants and finding only jeans or 'suit' pants, I finally found some. All the ones I tried on were a million inches too big in the waist, yet snug in the legs. I got frustrated and gave up. I despise shopping and tend to feel incredibly overwhelmed. I've written about it here before. I seriously feel like it's sensory overload. I can't explain it. I feel overwhelmed and my heart starts pounding and I just feel the need to get out of the store. My DH is a champ and always agrees to go with me. He's really good at keeping me focused and calm. I had the day off, though, and he had to work, so I was on my own. I tried, but it just didn't work. When DH got home from work I recounted my shopping story to him and he was so funny. He said..."Honey, why did you go without me? You know that's not your thing and you need me to help you." I told him I tried to do it on my own so he didn't have to go with me but he said "nonsense" and said we'd go this weekend and search for new pants. I'll keep you posted. It seems I'm a size 14 pant.

While I didn't find any pants yesterday, I did see a really cute jacket that I loved. It was in red, so not my color, but I tried it on just to see what the style looked like. It was super cute but, as I suspected, the color was atrocious. The size? A 10/12! I almost dropped dead right there in the store. My bottom half is definitely larger than the top half since everything has headed south. Stupid gravity. Anyway, after the disaster that was the pants trying-on episode, the jacket episode was a highlight, even if I didn't buy it.

Did I already blog about my lunch hour at Victoria's Secret? I honestly can't remember but I don't think I did and I'm too lazy to go back and check. So here's the deal...last Friday I spent my lunch hour at VS trying on a bunch of stuff. That wasn't the goal of my lunch hour, I just had to get away from my office so I headed to the mall and there it was. I debated whether or not to go inside but figured I had nothing to lose. I found some stuff in a Large and held it up and it certainly looked like they would fit so I headed into the fitting room. They fit! I didn't like anything enough to actually spend the money but I did take pics and showed my DH when I got home. I have proof!

On another note, DH says my butt is boney now. It is definitely much flatter and doesn't stick out nearly as much. I rarely look at myself in the mirror (I guess this must be obvious since my pants are so baggy) but I forced myself to really evaluate my body in just my undies and I was shocked at what I saw. I stood in front of a full length mirror and did a very slow 360. My body is a complete disaster, but I am at peace with it. As I mentioned above, I'll definitely be getting my stomach done at some point in the next 12 months. I probably should get my legs done but I haven't determined yet if I want to spend the money and go through another 6-8 weeks of recovery time and time off work after having my stomach done (and I'm certainly not doing them at the same time!). Anyway...as I was doing my 360 in front of the mirror I noticed how much my hips and butt have changed. I think out of everything, they've changed the most. Where there used to be severe angles, there is now graceful sloping. I don't have a huge ass that sticks out anymore. It's not small by any stretch of the imagination but the shape is completely different. And I can fold my arms without them resting on my stomach now. My entire shape is different now and it's just so weird. I'm still not used to it. What changes have you noticed in your body and are you used to them yet?

Ok, it's been a crazy long day. I'm off for a long soak and some de-stress time before heading to bed. Thank you so much for all your support and words of encouragement. It means so much to me!

Friend Makin' Monday: Before Photos

2012-02-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday! It's time for FMM. If you’ve participated before, you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add a link in the comments section here and at Kenlie's blog, All the Weigh, so we can all see your answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has the opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and be sure to comment on a couple of other posts. Ready for this week's topic?

1) Are you on a weight-loss journey? Have you lost weight in the past? Are you trying to lose it now? Yes, I've been actively trying to lose weight since 2007. I was diagnosed borderline diabetic and began seeing a nutritionist (a different one than I currently see) and lost 40 pounds within about 6 months just by walking 30 minutes a day, watching portion sizes and eating according to the food pyramid. No counting calories, nothing fancy. Then, within a few months my world was literally shaken to the core. First my nutritionist went on maternity leave. I saw a few replacements but didn't click with them so I figured I could do it on my own until she came back in six months. Huge mistake. I was too early in my process to be tackling it alone, but I didn't know that then. Then I hurt my back and ended up in physical therapy for four months, no exercise. Next up: my sister went in for a hysterectomy and literally almost died. She was in a coma for a few weeks and had major health issues for months afterwards (she's fine now). All of these things derailed me in a major way. I don't know how, but somehow I managed not to gain weight for about a year. I lost all focus though. I still took my lunch everyday (and have everyday since 2007!) and still followed the same eating plan fairly closely though I'd completely eliminated exercise.

Over the next few years I yo-yoed up and down, constantly gaining and re-losing the same 20 pounds. Everytime I saw the doctor he increased my blood pressure medicine dosages. I finally realized...I'm in my mid-forties and I need to get my shit together. I love my husband. I want to be healthy to travel and to spend as many years as possible with him. Healthy years, not sick years. I talked to my doctor and did a lot of reading and realized that for me the best option was gastric bypass. I realize that many of you are much younger than I am, or have much less to lose than I did, or have a longer time horizon to lose the weight, or have fewer health issues than I did but, for me, this was the best option. Statistically, the odds are better at actually keeping the weight off with surgery than doing it on your own and ultimately that was what was most important for me at my age and with my health issues.

Since my surgery on December 6, 2010, I've lost 103 pounds. I'm down 124 pounds from my highest recorded weight of 315 in 2007 at my first appointment with the nutritionist. We didn't own a scale back then and I rarely allowed the doctor to weigh me so I'm not entirely sure what my highest weight actually was. I suspect it was probably about 325 or so.

2) Do you like being in pictures, or do you shy away from the camera? No, I don't particularly enjoy being in pictures. NOW I'm glad I have these old pictures, though I wasn't necessarily happy at the time they were taken. Now I don't run from the camera and that's a really nice feeling.

3) Does looking at old photos of yourself motivate you? A thousand times yes. I cannot emphasize that enough. My nutritionist runs the support group meetings for the bariatric program and she's told us from the beginning to take tons of pictures along the way, monthly at the very least, to motivate us and it totally does.

4) Weight-loss bloggers, do you post progress pictures on your blog? In December on my one year surgery anniversary I posted a picture of me on the day I had surgery and then a year later. I keep meaning to post pictures but then I think nobody cares about seeing pictures of me. I don't know why though because I love seeing progress pictures on everyone else's blogs. Ok...I'm promising here and now to figure out to work those tabs on the blog and add a pictures tab. I'm speaking in a couple of months at the support group and I need to make a poster of before and after pictures, so I'll have done the legwork already! Give me a few weeks to dig through all my pictures.

5) Will you share a before photo with us (even if you don’t have an after yet?) Absolutely. This first picture is from August 2006 when I was at my highest weight but, since I didn't own a scale, I'm not sure how much I weighed. I'm guessing around 325. The second picture was taken on February 1 and I weighed 195 (these are the baggy pants my coworkers are teasing me about that I mentioned in my last post).

August 2006

February 2012

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link.

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-02-08T06:39:00.000-08:00

HA! I have gremlins in my scale. Last week I lost 4 pounds for a total of 103.7 pounds. Since I gained 3.2 pounds the week before for no reason, I'm calling this week a .8 pound loss. Today I weigh 191.2, a new low. Yay for me!

It was a really great week in terms of exercise. I amped things up, going from 60 minutes a day to 90 minutes. I also went from running 8 minute intervals to 20 minute intervals. When I first saw the 20 minutes on the training schedule my heart started pounding. How on earth do I go from running 8 minutes at a time to running 20 minutes at a time? I couldn't see how it was it was possible and didn't think I could do it. I told myself...just run 10 minutes, or 12 minutes, or 14 minutes and I gave myself permission to stop running if I felt like I couldn't do it. I have this whole setup going...I never watched Grey's Anatomy when it started but I'm recording it on the DVR in the bedroom with the treadmill (Lifetime is playing the series from the beginning, 2 episodes a day). So, I just watch the show and started running and then before you know it...it was 19 minutes later. And I wasn't even tired!! I couldn't believe it. I totally could have kept going but I followed the training plan and stopped running when the 20 minutes were up. I've run 20 minutes twice since then. Next is 22 minutes on Thursday. I haven't looked at next week's plan yet. I can't believe how good I feel. I'm not even tired when I run. Never in a million years would I have thought I could run this far without stopping. I know I'm just a baby runner, but I'm so proud of myself. Especially given the fact that I basically had to start over from the beginning after my surgery a few months ago. The recovery was much more difficult than I anticipated and I was surprised at how far it set me back in terms of exercise. Anyway, I had way too much going on this past week to get to a yoga class and I'm really missing it. I really need to get back there soon before I lose the habit.

I made Splenda chocolate chip cookies for Super Bowl Sunday and am pleased to report that I only had one! And one on Monday. Those and one fun size Reese's were my 'treats' this past week. Not too bad! Especially given the amount of spinach I consumed! I am so bummed that I didn't know until this past week about the whole green monster smoothie situation. I literally have had either a protein shake or a smoothie everyday for the past 18 months or so. Think of all the spinach I could have added in to those drinks. Such wasted opportunity. Oh well. At least I know now.

A few days ago I stumbled onto a local Lucy store. I'd never heard of it until Bella told me about it. I was out with DH and we just happened to walk right past it so we took the opportunity to go in. Of course I had to try on a bunch of stuff. Out of habit I immediately grabbed the XL...and they were all way too big. I was flabbergasted! The L fit perfectly. I still cannot believe that I can go into these normal people exercise stores and wear normal people clothes. It doesn't seem right.

Speaking of clothes, my coworkers tease me that my pants are too big. I don't think they're too terribly big but they must be because they've made several comments now. They fit OK in the waist and hips, but they're definitely big in the legs and butt. My brand new workout pants that I just bought are suddenly way too big. Even Bella commented that they were big when I saw her last. As you saw from my post last week, I've literally been within 3 pounds the past 3 months but I've obviously lost inches because my clothes are definitely looser.

That's it for this week. How are you faring with your exercise goals?

Friend Makin' Monday: Habits

2012-02-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

Green Monster Smoothie

2012-02-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

I finally took the plunge. After reading all of you raving about this, I finally made one this morning, and OMG it was delicious! How have I lived all my life without knowing you could add spinach to a smoothie without tasting it? I make them every weekend (my fave is peach mango) and my guess is that I will add spinach from now on to every smoothie I make. What an easy way to get an extra serving of veggies!

I read a lot of recipes before I made it this morning and the only thing they all had in common was the spinach. There are some really great recipes out there!

Here's how I made mine:

1 greek yogurt
1c milk
2 handfuls of spinach
1 heaping tablespoon peanut butter
2/3 small frozen banana
1 tablespoon splenda

I'm making this again tomorrow and I cannot wait to have it again! Wow.

A Little Calorie Counting

2012-02-01T22:08:00.000-08:00

Earlier today I posted my weekly weigh in results, a 3.2 pound gain {sad face}, and voiced my frustration. I've been stalled since October. I keep gaining and losing the same few pounds over and over, but I never seem to be able to gain any meaningful traction.

My regular readers are well versed with my story but, if you're new, here's a brief recap: I had a hysterectomy in mid-October and was not able to resume exercise due to healing issues and my work schedule until 2 weeks ago. Given the fact that I didn't exercise at all for 2+ months, the fact that my weight has been stable has been a blessing. My doctors applauded me, in fact. I've been exercising like a fiend these past two weeks, trying to jump start things, only to be rewarded by a net 2 pound gain. So disappointing. It's normal. I know. And I'm honestly ok. But I AM frustrated.

The nutritionist for my bariatric program has been pretty adamant with us that she does not want us counting calories. Her theory, and I agree, is that overweight people already have unhealthy relationships with foods and she doesn't want to reinforce obsessive behaviors after our surgery with us counting calories. Obviously, this is a generalization. Please don't be offended if this particular description does not apply to you specifically.

Prior to surgery we take several classes with her and she provides us with a 'bible' which outlines exactly how we should be eating. What types of foods, serving sizes, etc. She spends a lot of time on food education...all about protein and carbs and fats. We meet with her monthly before and after surgery, and she leads our support group meetings. She's always available by email. We have a lot of support. She's told us that if we eat according to her instructions, we're fine and that we don't need to focus on calories.

That said, because I am a rebel, I have always had a quick and dirty running calculation in the back of my mind of the calories I'm taking in. When I've (jokingly) pinned her down as to how many calories I should be eating, she's said depending on activity level, anywhere between 900-1600 is appropriate ~ more or less. I'm only 14 months out from surgery so I'm still in the weight loss phase. 'Technically', you're in the weight loss phase for the first two years. Obviously, that's a generalization. A few of the people that had surgery right around the same time I did are already at goal and have moved to maintenance. You should be eating less calories while in the weight loss phase, and then you get to add calories once you move into maintenance.

So, why all this background? Well, today my friend Bella suggested I track my calories to see if I'm taking in more calories than I realize and maybe that's contributing to my weight gain. I've never really been worried about that, honestly, since I've always kind of had a running total in my head, but I took her advice to heart and logged a typical day's menu and did the calculations. I've always calculated that I eat between 1000-1500 a day, depending on my food choices and if it was a 'hungry' day. Here's what I eat in an average 'hungry' day:

Breakfast:
1% milk	130
protein powder	150

Lunch:
1% greek yogurt	120
raspberries & craisins	40
2 oz gouda	200
fig jam	15
cottage cheese	100
v8	30

Dinner:
tortilla	80
3 oz chicken	110
sour cream	30
1 oz sweet potato	25

Snack:
skinny cow	130

Total	1160

If it's not a hungry day, I typically will eat only one of my lunch options (yogurt, gouda or cottage cheese). Or I may have the yogurt and a protein bar. It varies, obviously, but this is a fair representation of what I eat pretty much every day. I'm happy to see that I was very accurate in estimating my calories! That gives me a lot of comfort. Last week, in addition to my normal foods I had 2 slices of french bread and 4 Hershey's miniatures. Certainly no cause for a 3 pound gain!

I exercise 5 or 6 days a week for a minimum of 60 minutes. I feel comfortable with the quantity and intensity of my exercise.

So, a huge thank you to Bella for helping to put my mind at ease. Although I know stalls are normal, and my nutritionist assured me there's no cause for worry, this calorie counting exercise really did help. I also see that I'm at least one serving short of both fruits and veggies, so I need to add those in. Moving on now...

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-02-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm not sure what the hell is going on but this is seriously getting old. I gained 3.2 pounds last week. My total loss is now 99.7 pounds.

I've been bouncing around like a ping pong ball for weeks now. There is literally no rhyme or reason for this. I swear I'm not cheating!! I exercised 6 of the last 7 days for each of the past two weeks. Three of those days I even exercised twice. Am I building muscle? I certainly didn't eat an extra 10,500 calories, that's for damn sure.

I feel like my body is betraying me but it has obviously decided it wants to take a break. Or, bounce around, as the case may be. We had our monthly support group meeting last Wednesday and I spoke a bit to my nutritionist about my stall. I told her I've been relatively stalled for the past 3 months but she's not at all concerned. Truthfully, neither am I, it's just getting a bit frustrating at this point. I thought for sure when I resumed regular exercise a couple of weeks ago (after surgery in October) that it would kick start things, but as you can see from the numbers below, I've got a net gain of 2 pounds since I started exercising again.

Here's a snippet of what's been going on for the past several weeks:


11/9/11	193
11/16/11	194
11/23/11	195.2
11/30/11	195.6
12/7/11	196.4
12/14/11	194
12/21/11	192.8
12/28/11	194
1/1/12	194.2
1/4/12	196.2
1/11/12	195
1/18/12	193.4
1/25/12	192

2/1/12

195.2

On another note, I've been light headed off and on. They took my blood pressure at the support group meeting. It was low but not alarming. One time on the treadmill I actually felt like I was going to pass out. They suspect my blood pressure is now getting too low, a common side effect of weight loss surgery. So, I am now having one cup of bouillon every day and have been told to increase my salt intake. That could be part of the reason for the weight gain but certainly not all 3 pounds worth.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been bombarded with everyone's blogs saying how much they love kale chips so I decided to give them a try. I'd never had kale before. At least not that I remember. My DH and I LOVED them. I've made them three times since last weekend. I put a cajun spice blend on them so they have some salt and heat. YUM!

Many thanks to those of you who responded to my queries last week! I so appreciate your input. If you haven't yet responded, please let me know...do you use one of those fancy watches when you run? If so, which one? And, do you use one of the online tracker sites like dailymile? If so, which one and do you like it?

Also, thanks for the Google reader tips! I didn't realize you could subscribe to non-Blogger sites so I did that. Got folders all set up. I think I'm figuring it out. It's much more convenient than going to everyone's individual blogs but I wish there was a way to comment from the reader. Or...is there??

Alright that's it for today. Have I told you lately how thankful I am for all of you, because I am? You guys rock!

Friend Makin' Monday: Makeup Favorites

2012-01-30T12:46:00.000-08:00

Makeup Favorites

1) Do you wear makeup everyday? I love, love, love makeup but my skin is so crazy sensitive that I don't wear much. Even my dermatologist teases me about how sensitive it is and says she rarely sees people with skin more sensitive than mine. Anyway, my usual fare is blush, mascara and some lip tint. I have rosacea so if I'm having a flare I'll throw on some foundation to tone down the redness, but that's pretty much it.

As a side note: a few years ago I had a series of IPL laser treatments done on my face to treat my rosacea. OMG! Can I say it changed my life! It hurts like hell, but if you have rosacea you should consider it. It took my redness from about an 8 to about a 3.

2) Does your routine change if you’re going out with friends/on a date/to a party? If I'm going to a wedding or somewhere fancy, I'll put on more makeup than normal.

3) Are you loyal to one brand, or do you use different brands for different things? I'm very loyal to Bobbi Brown and NARS. I've tried a lot of other brands and I like them very much, but these two brands seem to have the colors that suit my coloring the best.

4) Do you wear primer/concealer? If so, what’s your favorite kind? Sometimes I get circles under my eyes. I use the Bobbi Brown foundation stick in porcelain.

5) What’s your favorite brand of foundation? I don't tend to like liquid foundations so I tried Bare Minerals and oh my heavens am I ever crazy allergic to it. About two minutes after I put it on my face was fire engine red, flaming hot and itched like I never thought possible. Many of the mineral foundations have the same ingredients, including bismuth, and I am allergic to them, but the one that I found that doesn't contain them is Jane Iredale. I've had really great success with it. It gives good coverage but doesn't look cakey and it doesn't irritate my skin at all. The other one I use sometimes is Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer.

6) Do you use blush and/or bronzer? NARS Orgasm is my blush of choice. It's the perfect shimmery peachy pink. I challenge you to find a more perfect color.

7) Do you wear eye shadow/eye liner? Never eye liner. Sometimes I'll wear the Orgasm blush on my lids and it looks nice. My fave eye shadow is one I never would have guessed I'd liked. I got a makeover a few years ago in anticipation of a wedding I was attending. The lady used Bobbi Brown Lilac Shimmer Wash on me. When she first brought it out, I was like...nothankyou. But then she put it on and I fell in love. It's super light though you could layer it to get a more intense color. I have hazel eyes and it goes perfectly with my eye color. I always get so many compliments when I wear it. Don't be like me and immediately dismiss it without trying it. Give it a shot! You just may love it. I never would have thought in a million years that I would like it on me. I also really like Bobbi Brown's Petal and Rose Gold eye shadows and lip colors. Nice neutral colors

8) What’s your favorite kind of mascara? I'm always in search of the perfect mascara and I haven't found one yet that truly floats my boat. They either smudge or flake or clump. YUCK. The one I'm using now is Maybelline Lash Stiletto and it's ok.

9) Lipstick? Lip gloss? Both? Favorite? Bobbi Brown's Petal (Lipstick) and Rose Sugar (Lipgloss) are my faves. And Burt's Bees tints.

10) Do you wear nail polish regularly? If so, share a few of your favorite brands/colors. OPI: Bubble Bath, I'm Not Really A Waitress, Piccadilly Pink, The One That Got Away, Cara Mia Crimson, All Rose Lead to Rome. Essie: Not Just A Pretty Face. Bobbi Brown: Rose #4. I have the thinnest, most peely/bendy nails ever and if I don't keep something on them I'll pick at them nonstop.

11) How do you remove your makeup at the end of the day. Baby Wipes

12) Do you feel prettier when you’re wearing makeup? Absolutely. I wish my skin wasn't so sensitive so I could wear it more often.

13) Do you have any beauty tips that you could pass along? Please don't wear a lot of makeup in your daily life. Most people look best in natural colors during the day. By all means, glam it up at night!

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-01-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Wednesday everyone! Last week I lost 1.4 pounds for a total of 102.9 pounds. Today I am 192 but I was all over the place during the week. A couple of days ago I was 195. Just as I pretty much discount when I suddenly gain weight for no reason, I also discount it when I suddenly lose it. We'll see where I stand next weigh in. Only 7 more pounds until I'm in the 'overweight' category instead of 'obese'. That'll be a happy day when I hit that milestone.

I have some questions for you guys this week. I'll note them in purple so they don't get lost in the shuffle.

This week was a great one in terms of exercise. I'm finally back in the swing of things after my busy few weeks at work. I exercised 6 of the last 7 days. Two of those were running days, the rest were walk days. I also had some weights and core work in there two of the days. My goal was to make it to the yoga class I love so much on Saturday at noon, but it just didn't work out. I'm hoping to make it this Saturday but one of my best friends is here visiting from Chicago and the only two days I can see her are Saturday and Sunday. We haven't firmed up our plans yet for this weekend so I'm not sure yet about yoga. I haven't been since New Year's Day and I miss it terribly. It's not impossible, but it's pretty difficult to get to a class during the week because we get home too late and I need to eat before I go. Having a tiny stomach now means that it's not an option to not eat before I exercise.

I've been logging all my running/walking in my Excel spreadsheet but I see that several of you use various online programs such as dailymile. How do you like them?

For those of you who run, do you use those fancy watches? If so, which ones do you use? Currently I'm just running on the treadmill but I'd like to move it outside once Spring rolls around. I'll need a way to accurately track my time, distance, etc. I'd love recommendations.

We potentially may not do the Disneyland half marathon afterall and I'm super bummed. We're still working that out so things are still up in the air. There's a local one that's on the same day that we may do instead. I still don't know what the situation is with my job, and we already have two vacations planned for this year. Once we started adding up how much it would cost to the Disneyland half, we realized it would be close to $2,000. That's an awful lot of money when we already have two vacations scheduled this year. We could do the local race instead for about $250. That's a pretty big difference. We ARE going to do a half this year, and we're still proceeding with our training, we're just not exactly sure which one we're going to do at this point. My pick would be Disney, hands down. I LOVE Disneyland! But if not this year, maybe next year. I need to remember that I may be out of a job here in a few months. If that happens, we need to cancel the NYC trip planned for later this year. The Hawaii trip in May isn't really costing anything other than food and car rental (used points for airfaire, and staying in our timeshare) so that one is fine regardless of what happens with my job.

Hey, anyone know why I keep hitting the 'follow' button on blogs and it says that I follow them, yet the next time I look at the blog I am not following them anymore? It's happening to a bunch of the blogs I read regularly and I'm so frustrated! I've 'followed' them several times over the past couple of months, only to suddenly not be following them for some reason. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose track of some of the blogs I read, especially if I think I've bookmarked them but haven't. I'm trying to transition to using the Google reader but they won't show in the reader unless I'm following them...unless you know of some trick I'm not aware of. And...is there any way to manually add Wordpress blogs to the reader or can you only use it for Blogger blogs?

I'm finally getting relatively caught up with your blogs, but I'm still not 100% yet. Hopefully by this weekend.

Alrighty, that's it for today. Time to head in to work. Boo. Hope you all have a good day!

Painful lesson

2012-01-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

Those of you who followed my #WEverb11 posts in December recall a common theme of my posts was me being a control freak and my desire to let go. It's been something I've been struggling with since I became aware of just how controlling I am. It's not something I'm proud of. Actually, ashamed would be a more accurate description of how I feel about this god-awful trait. I've been working really hard these past few months at recognizing when I'm being controlling and then keeping my mouth shut when things aren't done the way I would like them to be done. Sometimes I'm very successful, sometimes not so much. The thing is, when you're successful at keeping your mouth shut, nobody knows except for you! When you're dying inside because something's not being done the way you're comfortable with, but you keep your mouth shut, nobody knows what a great job you did at keeping your mouth shut. But I have celebrated my successes inside and was happy with my progress.

Lately I've been asking my husband to step up a bit and make some decisions instead of leaving every decision for me to make. It's stressful and I think it contributes to me feeling overwhelmed. Even little things like dinner. When he says...what are we having for dinner?...my heart starts pounding. Why is it my job to be in charge of dinner? I work just as many hours as he does. Why do I then have to figure out what we'll eat for dinner? Why can't he say...let's have 'x' for dinner tonight, for example? So, I've asked him to step up, and he's been trying. But then...I need to keep my mouth shut! I cannot then micromanage his decisions once he's stepped up and done what I asked him to do. Note to self.

The other day I made a passing comment, not a big deal, and definitely no criticism was meant, but he lost it. In his eyes, it was me once again trying to control everything and criticizing everything he does. That could not have been farther from my intent or what was going on in my head, but that was how he felt. We got in the biggest fight we've had in years and it lasted two entire days. It really rattled me. My husband and I get along great actually. We have a really good marriage. I adore him and we accept eachother's crazy idiosyncrasies, like me being a control freak. We pick at eachother about stupid stuff (leaving stuff laying around the house, etc) but we're spot on as far as the big stuff goes. We haven't had a real fight in years. We're fine now but I have been in a funk ever since.

This was a painful reminder to me that I really need to work hard on this issue. I love this man entirely too much to be making him feel bad about himself because it feels to him like I criticize him. That is not my intent, yet I can see how painful that would feel to feel that way.

I wrestled with whether or not to share this, but I finally realized that this is the place for me to come, warts and all, and share myself. To keep myself accountable in all areas of my life. And, since I'd just written so many posts about my struggle with letting go of control, what better way to show how much it backfired when I neglected to keep my mouth shut. I screwed up big time.

Friend Makin' Mondays: Short Answers

2012-01-23T15:54:00.000-08:00

Short Answers

1) Mac or PC? I've never worked on a Mac, so I guess my answer is PC

2) Do you paint your own nails? I do but a child could probably do a better job

3) Beach or mountains? I love both but if I had to pick one it would be the beach. Hands down.

4) What’s the title of the book you’re currently reading? Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater. It's exactly what I need right now.

5) Do you dance? I vividly remember dancing my 20s away. I was out several times a week, closing down the bars, dancing up a storm. I haven't danced in years.

6) CNN or Fox News? CNN. I love me some Anderson Cooper!

7) Do you ride a bicycle? Technically yes, but I'm not confident in my abilities at all.

8) Do you get a yearly flu shot? Yup, every year. I have asthma and am prone to upper respiratory infections, so when I get sick I'm sick for weeks. I take this pretty seriously.

9) Best movie you’ve seen in 2012? I just finished working a million hours of overtime these past few weeks so I haven't seen a movie yet this year. We saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo on New Year's Eve so I'm using that one.

10) Do you prefer to workout at home or at the gym? I really like the gym a lot once I'm there, but I'm much too lazy to leave my house and much too cheap to pay for it. We have a treadmill at home and we're getting an elliptical. We have weights, a big ball, resistance bands, bikes and videos to mix things up. And we take yoga.

11) Last airport you were in? Our last trip was to Europe. The airports were SFO, JFK, Heathrow and Schipol (Amsterdam).

12) Married or single? Married

13) iPhone or Android? Android

14) Do you prefer to be in pictures or taking pictures? Neither but if I had to choose I'd rather be in them, but only because taking them bores me to tears

15) Favorite brand of sneakers? Nike and Asics

16) Do you like snow? Yup

17) Do you have/want to have kids? Nope

18) Summer or Winter? In summer I like summer, and in winter I like winter. But if I have to choose one, I choose summer.

19) Do you know how to swim? yup, I'm a water baby through and through

20) Do you prefer to shop in store or online? It really depends on what it is. If we're going on generalities, I'd say online. Since I've lost some weight, I'm still not very good at judging what size I wear so I need to try things on in the store right now.

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link.

This and that

2012-01-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

It's my first 'real' post in a few weeks. So much to say and, yet, I'm having a hard time formulating cohesive thoughts!

I'm still trying to get caught up with your blogs. I've gotten caught up with a few of them, but still have a bunch more to go. If I haven't made it to yours yet, fear not! I'm hoping to be fully caught up by the end of the week. I've loved reading about your adventures! I'm so grateful to have found such a fantastic community to be part of. I just love you guys!

I finally started exercising again this week, after we finished our year-end close at work. I resumed logging in my daily results into the Excel spreadsheet I keep. It definitely keeps me accountable, and I really find that I need to be able to see some tangible progress. It helps me stay motivated and on track. I found that the two weeks of not exercising in January really affected my mood. I definitely have a case of the blahs. It could be the annual after-the-holidays let down, feeling so disconnected from all of you, not exercising, not losing any weight, all the stuff going on at work, or a combination of all of it. Whatever it is, I definitely feel it and it sucks. Trying my best to push past it and not get sucked in.

My official weigh in isn't until Wednesday but I've gained 2 pounds this week. Boo! I don't get it. There's really no reason for it. I've been eating right and exercising. I pretty much weigh the same as I did in mid-October when I had my hysterectomy. Exercise has been scattered since then, and that's really the only thing that's different so it must be why I'm not really losing weight. After surgery I couldn't exercise for 8 weeks and got the OK to resume exercise in mid-December. I exercised pretty much every day those last two weeks of December. Then we hit year-end at work and I only exercised a few times in the first two weeks of January. Hopefully things will jump start again now that my calendar has cleared. Today I'm back up to 195. I really want to get into the 180s.

I've been feeling overwhelmed and like I'll never be able to complete my half marathon in September. Not sure how you deal with stress, but when I feel overwhelmed I completely shut down. Instead of motivating me into action, it shuts me down and paralyzes me. I've been looking at training plans and will get a formal running plan mapped out, by day, for each week leading up to the race by the end of this week. I think that will help with the anxiety. And resuming my exercise log on the spreadsheet has already helped me see how many miles I'm doing each week in total, not just training miles. I need to see some progress. Realistically I know I can do this but I always freak out a bit when I feel like I won't actually meet a goal. I wonder if that's why I never make goals. hmmmm.....

Speaking of which...I know it's completely normal for the weight loss to drastically slow down as you get closer to your goal, and this is my third stall so I'm well acquainted with them at this point, but I wonder if I will ever reach my 'goal'. Even though I don't have an official goal, I'd tentatively estimated a goal range somewhere between 155 and 175. Using those numbers, I have 20-40 more pounds to lose. I feel good, and I think I look good, but ultimately I'd still like to lose more weight. I'm feeling discouraged though and wonder if I will ever reach my goal range. I know this is normal. Really, I've come so far already...down 120 pounds from my highest recorded weight of 315. I had already lost weight by the time that weight was taken, so I suspect my highest weight was probably 20ish pounds more than that. I wonder if I am selling myself short by aiming for the 175 instead of the 155. I just don't feel like I can accomplish the 155 and maintain it. We'll see what happens these next 6 months or so with my increased exercise.

That's it for today. I need to run to the grocery store, do laundry, hit Target and clean the kitchen! And exercise, of course. Enjoy your day.

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-01-18T06:12:00.000-08:00

It's another short post this week. I worked another billion hours of overtime this past week so no time to write a proper post. We substantially finished our year-end work as of last night and they've pushed the audit portion of the close back to March to correspond with the purchase of our company by another company. Assuming the deal closes by then. The audit will happen in March either way. So, a brief respite for now. I'm tired.

I lost 1.6 pounds this past week, for a total of 101.5 pounds. Pretty good considering I didn't even exercise once. Today I weigh 193.4.

I'm looking forward to exercising again. And reading your blogs!! I've really missed you guys a lot!! I feel so disconnected. Give me a few days to catch up on your posts. I can't wait to read about what you've been doing these past two weeks.

I need to get running again! The Disneyland half marathon is only 7.5 months away. That may seem like a long time, but I feel like I'm so far behind in my training at this point. Now I'm stressed after hearing our new timeline for the things that are going on at work in March and April and how much overtime I'll be working those two months. I am not one to procrastinate so I feel like things are a little out of control and I'm not anywhere near where I should be. Have I mentioned my tendency to get stressed when I have no control over things? ;)

That's all for now. Hope you're all having a good week.

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-01-11T06:17:00.000-08:00

It's a short and sweet post this week. I worked so much overtime this past week that I didn't have time to write a proper post, or read your blogs for that matter. Hope you're all doing well. We'll catch up soon.

I lost 1.2 pounds last week for a total loss of 100 pounds (again). Today I'm 195. I'd really like to be in the 180s. Hopefully in the next month. I'm pretty happy with last week's loss actually since I only had time to exercise once due to my work schedule.

That's all for this week. Have a great week!

Friend Makin' Monday: Getting to Know You

2012-01-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday! It's time for FMM. If you’ve participated before, you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add a link in the comments section here and at Kenlie's blog, All the Weigh, so we can all see your answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has the opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Ready for this week's topic?

1) What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday? My perfect Saturday would include yoga, an indie movie and a yummy dinner out with my DH.

2) List your top three favorite TV shows. I watch entirely too much TV. Probably my current faves are The Good Wife, Modern Family, and Parks and Recreation. It made my heart pound to narrow down the list to three. Check out 'What I'm Watching' on the sidebar if you're interested in what else I'm watching.

3) Would you rather be in pictures or take them? This is deceiving. If I had to pick one I'd rather be in them, but not because I like pics of myself. I have no patience to learn photography. I can tell someone (my DH) exactly the shot I want but I can't be bothered to actually take the picture myself. It bores me to tears. Since I've lost some weight I no longer run from the camera, and I love having pictures to document our travels, but I don't necessarily like to be the focus of the pictures.

4) Why do you blog? I initially started my blog as a way to document my weight loss and I honestly didn't think anyone would ever read it. It was strictly for me. Now I also do it because I like the community and as a way to keep me accountable to the people who do read it.

5) Share five websites that you visit regularly… Facebook, Twitter, Huffington Post, Gawker and Bye Bye, Pie!

6) If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be? Well Kenlie, of course! Actually, I'd love to get together with Kenlie, @TimmoYoung, @bellablogger, @tryingtotriblog and plumpetals but since we're in 4 different countries the odds aren't likely. Maybe we can all catch up at FitBloggin one year. I'm pretty sure I can't go this year, but maybe next year?!

7) List a few of your favorite snacks. I eat a lot of cheese since I need the protein. Luckily for me I'm obsessed with cheese. I also eat a lot of nuts, greek yogurt with raspberries and craisins, and protein bars.

8) Do you have a pet? If so, what kind? We have 4 cats, 2 sets of brother/sister combos. Linus and Lucy are 7, and Milo and Sadie are 4. We also have two strays that live full time in our backyard. We named them Tom and Cleo (for Cleopatra, because she's always trying to seduce Tom).

9) Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without? TV, internet/computer, and my car.

10) What’s your favorite drink? Water with crystal light or milk. Or sangria! Yum!

11) Do you enjoy cooking? Very much. I cook less these days and I'm trying to make food less of a focus of my life, but I cooked a lot over the holidays and realized how much I missed it.

12) Do you have children? Nope, no kids for me. And, since I had a hysterectomy in October, that decision is now permanent.

13) What are your favorite hobbies? Reading, watching TV, exercising, cooking.

14) Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing? I'm honestly in the middle. I'm not the life of the party but I'm no wallflower either.

15) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change? To make peace with myself and stop beating myself up all the time.

16) Who is your favorite actor/actress? I don't really have a favorite. I definitely gravitate much more towards 'actor' actors and not celebrities. Examples include Laura Linney, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti.

17) What’s the coolest thing you’ve done this week? I worked a million hours of overtime this past week so, unfortunately, I've not done anything remotely cool this past week. But! We're going to see the Michael Jackson Cirque du Soleil show this weekend so I'm looking forward to that. And the Golden Globes are Sunday. I LOVE awards season!!

18) Do you live near your family or far from them? My mom lives about 10 minutes from me, and my sister lives about 30 minutes from here.

19) List three of your talents. Well, as I've mentioned here before I have no real creative talent. I'm good at planning vacations, I'm a good cook, and...

20) What is your greatest attribute? Why is it that I can think of 10,000 bad things to say about myself but I'm struggling to think of nice things? That's just so sad. It's taken me a good 20 minutes to come up with the first two talents above, and now I've moved on to this answer without finishing that one. I guess I would say that I'm loyal, but that's not necessarily a good thing. Some people don't deserve my loyalty anymore and yet I feel disloyal when I finally cut them from my life. That's pretty messed up. I'm working on that :)

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link.

Always cold these days...

2012-01-09T17:24:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my last Weigh In Wednesday post, it's positively insane how cold I am since I've lost some weight. I used to be the one running around in shorts and a tank top when it was 40 degrees outside. Now I practically need a parka when it gets below 70. It's crazy.

I've been doing some investigating and apparently it's quite common and usually resolves itself once your weight loss stabilizes. If you're interested, I found these articles on Livestrong, one of my very favorite resources.

How Come When You Lose Weight You Feel Cold?

Losing Weight & Feeling Cold

I just had my thyroid tested a couple of weeks ago, so that rules that out. I'm on a pretty calorie restricted diet at the moment so I'm assuming that must be the cause. I literally just had every test known to man a few weeks ago for my one year gastric bypass follow up and everything came back with spectacular results. Guess I'll just need to grin and bear this a few more months until it warms up. It's a small price to pay.

Wednesday Weigh In

2012-01-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

Things are still relatively stalled here. Technically I gained 2.2 pounds for a total loss of 98.7 pounds but that's not a true number and, no, I'm not in denial. Read on...

Last Friday I woke up and had 'gained' 3 pounds overnight. Obviously not true weight gain and I was right because when I woke up on Saturday I was back down to 193.4 and I remained there to the ounce until yesterday. This morning I'm 196.2. I obviously didn't eat an extra 10,500 calories yesterday so it has to be something else. I've been eating really well and exercising daily, so I'm chalking this up to whatever and not stressing about it.

DH brought a pastry home last Friday and I ate a few bites. It was ok but it wasn't good and I'm bothered by the fact that I ate it. Let me clarify...I'm not bothered as much by the fact that I had some, but by the fact that I continued to eat it when I wasn't really enjoying it. What's that all about? I was also annoyed because I was 5 days sugar free and I blew it and had to start the clock all over again. Then we split a Kit Kat at the movies on New Year's Eve because...well it's NYE and we're celebrating and I already blew it by eating sugar the day before. Ugh. When will I ever learn? I swear that one day I'll get this thing down if it's the last thing I ever do. But! I haven't had any sugar since the NYE Kit Kat situation, so I'm back on track again. For now.

Since I've lost weight I'm freezing all the time and I never feel warm enough. It's such a stark contrast from my entire previous life when I was always roasting. Lately I've been wearing two shirts, a sweatshirt, my sweats and my Uggs and I'm nowhere near hot. And I live in California! It's been in the 50s during the day. Granted...it's in the 30s/40s at night and in the morning, but we're not talking the midwest here. I don't get it. I've got another 40ish pounds to lose so my body still has plenty of fat to keep it well insulated. I'm baffled by the whole thing.

I had to get some new work out pants because mine were getting too big. I grabbed the XLs and headed for the fitting room. They fit so I grabbed another pair and headed off to pay for them. I never even considered trying on L because I just assumed they'd never fit, but when I got home and tried on the XLs again I realized that they're actually kind of big. Now I'm thinking that the L probably would have fit. DH was confused as to why I didn't even try on the L and I was trying to explain to him that I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I can fit into smaller sizes. I don't even give myself the opportunity to prove myself wrong. Why is that exactly?? Do you do that too?? And does it ever go away??

I take my measurements every two months on the first of the month. From November 1 to January 1 I lost 7.5 inches in total, including: 1.75" from my waist, 2" from my chest/ribcage, 1" from my thighs and 1.25" from my hips. Not bad considering I couldn't exercise for 5 of those weeks due to my hysterectomy! I've lost 26 inches in total since May. I will say it again...I really wish I would have listened to my surgeon and nutritionist when they told us to take measurements before our surgery. I was lazy and didn't take my first measurements until 6 months after surgery. Now I will never know how many inches I've lost. That information is gone forever. Another reason taking measurements in so important? I'm only down 3 pounds from where I was two months ago when my last measurements were done, yet I've lost 7.5 inches. The scale does not tell the whole story!! Another NSV? I have space between my legs now! It's been a good 25 or 30 years since I've seen that space. Now if only my thighs weren't down around my knees. One thing at a time...

This past week was a great one in terms of exercise. I ran 3 times, went to Zumba and yoga with Bella, and walked twice. I exercised everyday! Still no toning though, unless you count yoga. I definitely feel it in my arms and shoulders. Actually, I felt it in my legs from the Zumba. It was so much fun and I'd definitely do it again but with a different teacher. This girl just moved too fast without much instruction so I was lost the vast majority of the time. But I loved the music and the energy and the overall 'danciness' of it. It was tiring but it doesn't feel like you're 'exercising' while you're doing it. Thumbs up.

Bella also told me about the free weekly yoga classes at the Lululemon by our house so we're going to go to those on Sunday mornings. Well...she and her friends are for sure. January begins my year-end at work and I'll be crazy busy for about the next 6 weeks and working tons of overtime. I'll need to play it by ear, but I'm going to join them when I'm not dead tired. Bella knows all the good stuff! I'm so thankful for her. I really like her and things are just so easy with her. It's rare to find people that you just click with, you know?

Posting will be sporadic in January since we're now knee-deep in year-end hell at work and I'll be working tons of overtime this month, as I mentioned above. I will for sure be doing my Wednesday Weigh In posts and I'd like to get at least one more post in per week. I had such great momentum going with the #WEverb11 posts that I hate to lose it but there's just no way I can keep it up with this much going on.

Hope you're all having a great first week of 2012! Have you gotten back on track after all the holiday eating? Are you exercising?

Wise words

2012-01-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

The days are long, but the years are short.

~ author unknown

#WEverb11: Foresee

2012-01-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Where do you hope to be on Jan 1, 2013?

By the end of 2012 I'd really like to be at my 'goal' weight, whatever that is. I don't really have one, to be honest. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing until I naturally stop losing, or I get to a weight I feel like I can maintain. I'm heading into my late forties so I need to realistic about what is realistic. Menopause and a slower metabolism are around the corner. I don't need to look like a supermodel. I just want to be healthy and active.

By the end of 2012 I'd like our credit card debt to be fully paid off, and it will, barring some huge catastrophe with our jobs. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, our timeshare and my husband's spousal support payments also end this year so I'm looking forward to starting 2013 with a lot more money!

I hope that I am even happier than I am today. I know for certain that I am happier today than I was a year ago, so I'm hoping history repeats itself. I've been bombarded these past few months with the realization that I need to focus on letting go of control and fear, something I've written about quite a bit in these WEverb prompts. I'd focused on it all year long, but I guess something must have clicked recently and I realized I have a lot more work to do. I will be focusing on that in 2012 so I hope by January 1, 2013 I'm in a better place than I am today. 2012 will also be focused on staying peaceful and quieting my mind as much as possible. I need a lot of practice in these areas!

I hope that I have made improvements in my time management and organization abilities.

I hope that I have a really great job. In a perfect world I would be crazy busy all day long but work limited overtime, my job would be located close to home and I'd have really great coworkers that would lead to friendships. I've not had any friends at my last two jobs and I'm really missing that. Maybe that's why I haven't been as happy at these two places as I was at the place where I met all the friends I talked about in my Gush post?

I can't believe WEverb11 is over. It's been a wild ride. Wishing you all the best in 2012! Happy New Year!

If you’ve enjoyed the experience of #WEverb11 and would like to see an iteration of it in 2012, please consider donating $1 for the upcoming website. As you probably know, domain names and hosting spaces aren’t free, and this effort in 2011 came from one person’s pockets. So if you liked it, your small change can help have another site up and running and ready for 2012 very shortly!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=BYSJJRBHRASMS

I donated my $1, will you?

#WEverb11: Meditate

2011-12-31T08:55:00.000-08:00

Were you happy with who you were in 2011? Who do you want to be in 2012 and beyond?

All in all, I'm pretty happy with 2011. There were some not so good parts of it. My beloved MIL's death in July was hard. And the issues that resulted in my hysterectomy in October were obviously not a pleasant way to spend the year. But, in general, it was a really good year. I'm in a good place right now, I think. I'm much happier than I was on January 1st. I weigh 80 pounds less than I did a year ago. I'm incredibly happy in my marriage. I adore my husband. Financially we're ok. We have enough to meet our needs, save for retirement and travel. I'm pleased with how I've incorporated exercise into my life, even though I initially resisted it. I'm working really hard on being a better person, letting go of things, being nicer and not as neurotic. It's hard!

For 2012 I will continue to work hard on my control issues and letting go of fear. I'm reading a great book right now, Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater (recommended by one of the WEverb participants!), and it's been helpful. I need to continue to be mindful of my neurotic behavior and snap out of it in the moment. I need to replace my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I have a lot of work to do in this area but I am finding that going to yoga is helpful. The quiet time with someone actively guiding me through relaxation and positive images has been really beneficial. As I mentioned in this week's Weigh In Wednesday post, I get so flooded with emotion during yoga that it makes me cry.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Gush

2011-12-31T08:20:00.000-08:00

Begin to create a plan for "My friends day out 2012" - tell us what you envision.

Ack! It's been so, so busy at work this week that I'm a bit behind on my posts. Let's see if I can get these finished today!

This is a fairly easy one. My five closest friends and I all used to work together (for years!) so we are all very close. Three of us married coworkers (including me!) and three have now moved away but still come back home often. We always make a point to get together when they're back in town.

I've known these girls for 15 years now and it's been such an honor sharing our lives together. We were all single when we met, now we're all married. We've attended funerals for each other's parents. They all have children and two of them are now stay at home moms. We were all Accountants, now I'm the only one still doing it. One is now a professional photographer. One moved to Boston, one to Chicago, and one a couple of hours from here, yet the bonds still remain. Life seems to move at a snails pace sometimes (the big stuff, not the day to day stuff), yet I look back at how much has changed in 15 years and it's incredible!

So, for our day...really I wouldn't want to do too much to distract us from spending time catching up with each other since it's rare we're all together at the same time. My ideal day would be just to be together with these ladies, hanging out for hours at a restaurant and feeling no pressure to leave. Since it's a fantasy day and all, I would be eating the goat cheese, fig and prosciutto pizza that I'm in love with. Maybe we could move on to get drinks afterwards.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Pay It Forward

2011-12-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Describe a random act of kindness that you benefited from in 2011. How will you pay it forward in 2012?

Is it horrible that I can't think of a single nice thing that someone did for me? Well that's not true I guess...my mom took care of our cats for three weeks while we were in Europe so we didn't have to pay my regular cat sitter. That would have been about $500. And my boss gave me more time off than anyone has a right to have. She's so good to me! My husband is good to me on a daily basis. My memory is terrible. I've no doubt that lots of nice things were done for me all year long and I just can't remember them.

DH and I are very good about donating money to charity but I would like to be better at doing things in the moment for someone face to face. I'm always so skeptical and on the lookout for people trying to scam me that I never give money to anyone who asks me directly. Maybe I should throw caution to the wind and give in sometimes. Or, better yet, I'd like to do some volunteer work. While I was on my medical leave for surgery I started investigating volunteer opportunities and found a couple of things that sounded interesting. You have to attend an orientation and I will be too busy at work in January so I will get on the list for February.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Spend

2011-12-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

Where did your money go this year? Where do you want it to go in 2012?

The big item for 2011 was our trip to Europe. We also focused on paying down our remaining credit card debt. It'll be paid off next year. Yay!

I'm financially excited for 2012. We have two big items that will be paid off: DH's final spousal support payment is in May (a huge thorn in my side) and our Maui timeshare will be paid off in December. I've been tracking these payments for years and now they're finally ending! This will give us an extra $1,000 each month and with my job situation in limbo this couldn't come at a better time.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-12-28T19:46:00.000-08:00

So, all things considered...not too bad! I gained 1 pound last week for a total loss of 101 pounds. I didn't eat a lot of food, but I certainly wasn't on my best food behavior. I ate a lot of carbs. Not good. I exercised like a maniac though and I'm super happy about that part.

All in all, I'm fairly happy with my eating over the past month. I definitely indulged and enjoyed every last bite, but I got back on track the day after Christmas. I can tell that I'm already addicted to sugar again because that's literally all I want to eat, even more than my beloved cheese. That's really saying something because normally nothing tops my desire for cheese. I had about 15 pieces of fudge over the past week. Yum and NO! This needs to stop, and it will...because I ate it all. I've had no sugar since Monday and I'm totally going through withdrawals. I know from experience it will only last about a week but I'll be hanging on for dear life until it passes. I know better than this and yet I did it anyway. Oddly, I'm not really beating myself up over it. I'm already back into my regular eating pattern, albeit with sugar withdrawals, so I'm proud of myself for jumping right back into things.

I am back to doing run/walk intervals every third day. It's been two and a half weeks since my doctor gave me the ok to resume exercise after my surgery. The first time I ran was just plain pathetic and I could only muster 2 minute walk/run intervals. I was so exhausted after 30 minutes I thought I'd die. After just a few sessions I'm now up to 6 minutes running and 2 minutes walking and I go for an hour. It's still not anywhere near where I was pre-surgery but I'm coming along and I can see that I'm making progress so I'm happy. My speed is still really slow though. I'm going almost a full mile an hour slower than I was pre-surgery. It's ok though. I had three full months off from exercise so I'm feeling pretty good about how quickly it's all coming back.

So, gosh...where to start with the whole yoga situation? Yoga makes me very emotional. I'm so very thankful that I found something that provides me with genuine peace. Let's face it, none of us has enough peace in our lives. The first 5 minutes and the last 10 minutes of every yoga class I'm struggling not to cry. Saturday I couldn't contain myself but I did manage to be quiet enough so that nobody heard me. Not even DH who was right next to me. We had practiced for a year, then had some injuries which kept us out for awhile, then just got lazy and never went back. I never forgot how it made me feel and vowed to return. I'm one of those people who believes in timing and the timing must have been right right now...I'm in love with our new studio. It hasn't even been open a year. Had I not run into an old friend a few months ago I never would have even known about it. I've found my place. This is where my heart is at home. This is where I find peace. Yes, it's exercise and I'm sore for two or three days after each class, but it's so much more than that. It is deeply spiritual for me and not in a weird way. It's quiet and relaxing and soothing and calming. Aren't we all just running around like crazy all the time? I cherish this time and my heart overflows and the tears just come. I can't help it. I sobbed all the way home on Saturday and made DH cry too.

I got new bras. I'm too lazy to look through my blog to find when I got my last ones but I suspect it was about 6 months ago. The last ones were 42C and the new ones are 38D. Technically my chest measures 36 but those just felt too tight. I got some sports bras too. The only thing that sucks is back fat. I've lost so much weight but there's just no way to avoid the back fat spillage. I'm at least a year out from plastic surgery so it's just something I'll have to live with, but it doesn't look very nice. And it kind of ruins how shirts fit. You definitely don't want shirts fitting too tightly or they'll show every bulge.

Yesterday I had my annual eye exam. I thought for sure my vision had gotten worse but it is exactly the same as it was last year. My 'regular' vision is 20/20 since I had lasik about 13 years ago, but I started wearing reading glasses about a year and a half ago. I didn't wear them often at first, but now I wear them almost full time at work. I take them off and put them back on approximately 10,000 times a day. I literally cannot read without them. I rarely take my purse when DH and I are out, but then we'll go out to eat and I can't read the menu or we'll go to the store and I can't read labels. I got a little Christmas gift and I couldn't see what it was! They were bamboo coasters that were wrapped with a ribbon but I thought the bamboo was some sort of fancy box and I couldn't read the tag. So embarrassing. DH had to tell me what it was LOL. The doctor said it's now time for progressive lenses...fancy bifocals. I am officially old.

How did you survive the holidays and all the goodies laying around? Were you able to resist them? Did you exercise as often as you wanted to?

#WEverb11: Revive

2011-12-26T02:35:00.000-08:00

Share a favorite photo from the past year. What was happening behind the scenes? What were you thinking or feeling? What could you smell, taste, see, hear at that moment?

Staying true to my personality of over-thinking and obsessing about everything, I had trouble choosing between these three pictures. They all speak to me on a deeply emotional level.

This picture was taken last week. I've lost 100 pounds over the past 15 months or so and I'm thinking...holy crap! I'm wearing a size 12! And I don't think I look horrible!

This was taken in September as we left for Europe. There was enormous relief since I knew for sure before I ever stepped foot on the plane that I wouldn't need a seatbelt extension. Prior to losing weight it was 50/50...sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, and there was always tremendous anxiety around that fact and flying in general. You see so much in the news about people getting kicked off of planes or being asked to purchase an additional seat and I was always terrified of the potential humiliation. It was one of the dozens of reasons I wanted to lose weight. I live to travel.

This picture was taken in Amsterdam as we were standing in line at the Van Gogh museum. You can read the original post of the day here. The entire trip was amazing but this day was particularly memorable. Our trip was winding down so we were really relaxed by this point. I love this picture of us. And yes, I do eat the goat cheese and fig wrap regularly. Still.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wise words

2011-12-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

~ Mark Twain

#WEverb11: Celebrate

2011-12-25T06:02:00.000-08:00

What did you celebrate in 2011? Are you looking forward to any celebrations in 2012?

We celebrated my DH's 50th birthday with a trip to Europe in September. It was glorious. If you're interested in reading about it or seeing some pictures, click here for a shortcut to my 'Travel' posts.

We also celebrated a return to good health in 2011. I lost 100 pounds over the past 15 months or so, am now off all weight-related medication and have fallen in love with exercise. Yes, really! Miracles do happen.

There are no pending celebrations for 2012...no upcoming weddings, no pregnancies yet (for friends, not me!). I will celebrate like crazy once my job situation is resolved though. You can bet money on that one!

We're going to my beloved Hawaii in May, the place where my soul is most at peace. That is certainly cause for celebration.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Here's how I spent my evening...

2011-12-24T21:35:00.000-08:00

...or part of it anyway. My newest order of my very favorite bath bombs arrived yesterday and I couldn't wait to put one to use. A long soak in a hot tub is one of my most favorite winter traditions and these bombs are the best I've found, hands down. I get them from Beyond the Bomb. I stumbled onto them a few years ago and now I don't buy them anywhere else. My favorites, as you can see, are Grandma's Sugar Cookie, Honey Bee (Honey & Almond) and Sinful Pleasure (Pound Cake). Do you see a theme? They also have the most adorable bombs that look exactly like cupcakes. If you're into your baths like I am, definitely give them a try.

The day started early by making some appetizers for Christmas at my sister's house tomorrow. DH and I then went to yoga, and came home to wrap one final present for our nephew. Then my heavenly bathtime! We just finished with our Christmas Eve tradition of watching Love Actually. I think I may actually head to bed early. It's going to be a long day tomorrow.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah! Enjoy the holidays with your friends and family. I'm so grateful for your support. Thank you for reading :)

#WEverb11: Control

2011-12-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

What did you finally let go of in 2011? What will you let go of in 2012

After many, many years of trying to learn this lesson, the light finally went on and I got much better at trying to control everything. I have control issues, so I don't think I'll ever be able to say that I fully let go of trying to control everything. Similar to someone with addiction issues, it's going to be something I have to actively manage for the rest of my life. But I made huge strides this year. Not sure exactly what the trigger was, but I just realized that I love my husband much too much to be getting upset over trivial stuff. Head on over to my Teach post to read more about it.

I'm anticipating 2012 will be a stressful year since I know for sure that I will be losing my job at some point during the year. I'm hopeful that I will either find a job before I get laid off or that the economy picks up and I'm not unemployed for long. I guess everyone has those same wishes though, right? If the economy was like how it was a few years ago and you could find a job in a week or two, I'd ride things out at my current situation and collect unemployment for a few months and try to figure out how to make a career change. In a perfect world I'd love to move into a different line of work, though I don't know how realistic it is. To move into a professional position I probably wouldn't have direct experience and wouldn't get hired since so many qualified people are unemployed, or to move to a lower position I'd have to take a massive pay cut and then it would be hard to make our mortgage payment. My biggest fear is that I'm stuck being an Accountant. The pay and benefits are great, and it can be interesting, but it's not what I would call emotionally satisfying.

Anyway, sorry to ramble...for 2012 I'd like to let go of fear. I'm definitely afraid about how things will play out because I have no control. Ironic, right?

HAHAHAHA I just realized the prompt word is Control. How appropriate!

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#WEverb11: Grasp

2011-12-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

Describe something that you actively engaged in learning to do this year.

There was no one major thing I attempted to learn this year. At least nothing that's jumping out at me. One of my many quirks is that I tend to over-research everything that interests me, so I remember doing an awful lot of reading about the many different types of yoga, reading about proper running technique, and trying to figure out HTML.

I also spent quite a bit of time searching online for vegetarian recipes. That didn't go so well and I kind of gave up. It's pretty overwhelming actually with all the different kinds of specialty stuff that I've never heard of. If you're a vegetarian, send me one of two of your favorite recipes, especially if they have beans! I know people do it, but I don't have enough knowledge to figure out how to eat a high protein diet without eating meat. If you've figured it out, please do let me know. If I had more time to research it I could master it, but with my limited time it hasn't been a priority. I don't think I would like to go 100% vegetarian, but I would like to eat less meat.

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Persimmon Bread

2011-12-23T22:01:00.000-08:00

One of my coworkers must have a thousand persimmon trees in his backyard because every week for the past 6 or 8 weeks he's brought in about 100 of them. I've never eaten them as a fruit but I remember as a small child, approximately a million years ago, my grandmother used to make persimmon cookies and I loved them. She died when I was quite young and I've never had anything persimmon related since.

From one of the first batches he brought in, I took about 10 of them home and waited for them to ripen. They take forever!! While I was waiting, I searched for recipes and found this one for Persimmon Bread that sounded particularly good. It's from James Beard, one of the greatest chefs ever. I made it tonight and oh my word is it ever good!

If, like me, you're not familiar with persimmons, they are not ripe until they are super squishy. If it were any other fruit you would probably throw them away because you'd assume they were overripe, but this is exactly when they are perfect! Slice them in half and scoop out the insides with a spoon and throw the skin away. Mine did not all ripen at the same time. In fact, it was about a week and a half from the time the first one ripened until the last one was ready. I simply kept the spooned-out persimmon guts in the freezer and then added to it as the rest ripened. Once they were all ripe, I pureed them in the blender.

For my bread I chose Cognac, toasted pecans and dried cranberries (craisins). This bread is dense and mine took close to 80 minutes to cook.

This time I made it with sugar since I'll be taking it for a holiday gathering, but I will try it again at some point using Splenda. I'll be sure to update you on how it turned out. I may have to use the 50/50 Splenda blend since the cake is so dense you need the sugar for moisture. Certainly a better chef could figure out how to get more moisture in without the sugar, but that's pretty over my head. Anyway, this really is phenomenal and so, so easy. It would surely impress folks if you took it to an event.

Ingredients
3½ cups sifted flour
1½ teaspoons salt
2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 to 2½ cups sugar
1 cup melted unsalted butter and cooled to room temperature
4 large eggs, at room temperature, lightly beaten
2/3 cup Cognac, bourbon or whiskey
2 cups persimmon puree (from about 4 squishy-soft Hachiya persimmons)
2 cups walnuts or pecans, toasted and chopped
2 cups raisins, or diced dried fruits (such as apricots, cranberries, or dates)

Directions
1. Butter 2 loaf pans. Line the bottoms with a piece of parchment paper or dust with
flour and tap out any excess.

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

3. Sift the first 5 dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl.

4. Make a well in the center then stir in the butter, eggs, liquor, persimmon puree
then the nuts and raisins.

5. Bake 1 hour or until toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Storage: Will keep for about a week, if well-wrapped, at room temperature. The
Persimmon Breads take well to being frozen, too.

Recipe courtesy of James Beard, via davidlebovitz.com

#WEverb11: Accomplish

2011-12-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

What is one thing you want to do before you bid adieu to 2011? How will you make it happen?

Here's another one that was contributed by my friend Bella! She's wracking them up here on WEverb!

This is pretty fitting actually because I've been meaning to try Zumba forever. Seriously. It's been on my to-do list for at least a year. Maybe even longer. I was super intimidated. Still am, actually. But I'm accomplishing this goal just under the wire...I'm going with Bella to her Zumba class on New Year's Eve morning! Not only am I super excited to finally be giving this a try, but I'm excited to do it with someone I know. It's going to be fun. I can tell. I can't wait!!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Ripple

2011-12-21T18:51:00.000-08:00

The butterfly effect posits that a small change can ripple across whole ecosystems. Who do you credit for the small action that made all the difference in your life this year?

The person at the epicenter of much of my blogging goodness was Kenlie from All The Weigh. I discovered her in 2011 after she was on The Today Show, and instantly connected with her blog. I love her voice and her spunky attitude. She's adorable and so talented and creative. I'm old enough to be her mother but I adore her. She's got a super cute new boyfriend and her gooey-ness reminds me of when DH and I were newly in love. Young love is so exciting.

Through her blog, I met Bella, PlumPetals, Kris, Tim, and a whole host of other bloggers. If you're not reading these folks, please do check them out. They all have such unique voices and I adore them all.

Bella and I were destined to be friends in real life. She lives about 15 minutes from me and I felt instantly drawn to her when I met her. She's an English teacher so you know her writing is amazing and she's super interesting as well! I love her attitude and her opinions.

I firmly believe that PlumPetals came into my life at the exact time she did for a reason. We went through some tough stuff together at the exact same time and it was comforting to have her there, even though she's in Kuwait. Isn't the internet amazing? I have a friend in Kuwait!

Kris is one of the most interesting people I've met online. She does triathlons and is the most organized person I know. I love reading her blog and seeing her checklists. She motivates me to be better organized.

Tim is hands down one of the funniest people I've ever met. He lives in England and he's adorable. We've had some pretty funny Twitter interactions and I've actually choked on my coffee once or twice.

Had I not been introduced to Kenlie, I would not have met these other folks and that would just make me sad. My life is better because of Kenlie and the others. I've met even more folks that I haven't mentioned here because the list would be way too long. Ultimately though...it all comes back to Kenlie. I've met everyone either directly or indirectly through her. Thanks, Kenlie!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-12-21T18:21:00.000-08:00

It was a good week. I lost one pound, for a total of 102 pounds. I'm pleased.

I had such a surreal experience the other day. My DH and I met my mom at a restaurant for dinner and my own mother didn't even recognize me! We got there first and sat down in the waiting area. It was the two of us and one other group of three people in a fairly large area. She came in shortly after we did, looked around, looked right at me and turned around and sat down on a bench. I was so confused and then I realized that she didn't think we were there. I called out to her and she looked at me but you could tell she didn't know who I was. Thankfully she quickly realized it was me but I must confess that I was kind of worried for a minute, especially since we just lived through the experience of DH's mom having dementia. I mean, yes, I've lost weight...but I just saw her two weeks ago! I haven't changed that much in two weeks!!

This past week I had my one year gastric bypass follow up with my primary care doctor (who was recently promoted as is now also the new Director of the weight loss program at the clinic), my surgeon, and my nutritionist. They're all thrilled with my progress and said I look like I weigh a lot less than 193. All of my lab work came back with flying colors so that was excellent news! They asked me to come speak at the orientation for people looking into having surgery and they'd like DH to come as well since he's lost about 50 pounds by eating the way I eat and exercising more. There was just a study out that showed that to be the case...the support people of the folks getting surgery mostly tended to lose weight too and he's the perfect example.

We went to our first yoga class at the new studio on Saturday. This studio is gorgeous! There are two separate rooms, one that can be heated and one regular room. The entire back wall of the heated room has a waterfall and it's so peaceful to hear it while you're doing your yoga. This was my first class since surgery a couple of months ago and I was sore for a few days afterwards. So many planks and downward dogs! Lululemon had a small trunk show at the studio and I got a super cute pink jacket in a size 12!! Look how cute it is! If you would have told me a year ago that I'd be wearing a hot pink, skin tight jacket in a size 12, I'd have laughed in your face. What a difference a year makes!

DH has been busy googling training programs for our half marathon. I'm going to need the entire 9 months to get ready for this thing but I'm actually getting really excited. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be excited about running 13 miles. That makes me laugh. Since I've had gastric bypass and am now sensitive to carbs, my diet is similar to a diabetic. I talked with my nutritionist last week to figure out how to address this since I'm assuming I'll need to supplement during the run. She's really glad I met with her so far in advance so we can work together over the next 9 months. She cautioned me that I may not be able to run the entire 13 miles this time. Everyone is different and it's too early to tell how my body will react to running longer distances and the whole carb supplementing thing. Thanks Kris for telling me about Jeff Galloway's Run/Walk interval training method! I'm definitely keeping that option open. The farther out you are from gastric bypass the better your body is able to process carbs, so next year or the year after this probably wouldn't be an issue. But this year, since I'll only be 1.5 years from my surgery, we'll just need to see it goes. My goal is to run the entire thing, and that's how I'll proceed with training, but if my body just can't do it I'm completely ok with walking parts of it to allow myself time to refuel. I'm not sure if I can tolerate GU or similar products. They might have too many carbs and make me sick. Towards the summer I'll try one, but from the comfort of my house in case I get sick.

My nutritionist said that one of the patients from our support group made an appointment with her after our last support group meeting because she felt her progress wasn't quite up to snuff compared to mine. She thought I looked fantastic. That made me feel really good, and yet also put things into perspective. We're rarely happy with our own progress, but we often inspire other people and often we're not even aware of it. We should try to remember that. I'm constantly worried that I'm not losing weight fast enough.

I listened to my body and took naps Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Sunday I completely unplugged and went without internet. I really needed to recharge. I read my book and cooked and took a bath. It was heaven! My brain needed to rest. I'm off work until Tuesday so maybe now I can catch up on your blogs and finish my book!

Wishing you all a safe and happy holiday season! Here's to a really great 2012 for all of us!

#WEverb11: Plug In/Unplug

2011-12-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

How has technology affected your life (positively or negatively) in 2011? Do you want this to continue for 2012?

Technology is definitely a double edged sword and this topic could not be more timely! I've been feeling a bit overloaded, a bit overstimulated, and took a much needed break from the internet for a few days. This is such a busy time of year, and we're gearing up for year-end at work so it's getting very busy there as well. I finally listened to what my body was screaming at me and turned off the TV, turned off my computer (for the most part, not completely) and took naps and read my book. I really needed to unplug and I feel completely recharged now. My DH is actually the one who noticed that I was running myself ragged. I had a million things on my to-do list every day and he asked me when I was going to rest. He said I looked tired. Normally I have some anxiety when I unplug (addiction, perhaps?) but this time I had none. Perhaps because I was truly exhausted. I was too damn tired to feel anxiety.

The internet is my main technological tool and blogging is the biggest change in 2011. It's been a full year of this blog now, and I've made some wonderful blog friends. This has been a hugely rewarding experience and I'm so, so, so glad it's part of my life.

For 2012, I'd like to limit my blogging (my writing and reading yours) to a few days a week. I love you guys and love feeling part of this community, but I have been spending entirely too much time on the computer. These past few days spent with my book reaffirmed how much I miss reading. And now that I've resumed exercise these past two weeks, I want my schedule to be free to go to yoga and to go for a run when I get home from work. My goal for 2012 is more balance.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wise words

2011-12-20T14:39:00.000-08:00

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

~ Walt Disney

#WEverb11: Laugh

2011-12-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

Tell us about your biggest belly laugh in 2011.

Oh gosh, I can't remember a specific time but without a doubt my most frequent laughing partner is my husband. He makes me laugh every day. We have so much fun together. We laugh at our cats, our own ineptitude, other people, the news...pretty much everything. We're constantly laughing.

I'm wracking my brain trying to think back on the movies of this past year and I can't seem to recall a single funny one, though I know we obviously saw some. For sure we laugh hysterically every week watching Modern Family, Parks and Recreation, and The Daily Show.

My goal is to laugh even more in 2012!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Teach

2011-12-20T08:08:00.000-08:00

What lesson or advice were you able to pass on to others this year? Why was it important to share this information? (Or... what lesson would you like to pass on to others that read this?)

All of the advice I've passed on has been related to weight loss surgery but I've already written about that quite a bit.

So instead, I would like to pass on something that I've been learning to incorporate into my own daily life: things don't always have to be done my way. Just because that's the way I do it, it doesn't mean it's the right way or the only way to do it. Sometimes you just have to shut up and walk away and let someone else do it their way.

I struggle with the shutting up part.

I have control issues. I know the most efficient way to load the dishwasher (in my opinion, obviously). I know the most efficient route to take so that you avoid lights. And when I do these things by myself it's obviously not a problem. I would never tell my friends how to load a dishwasher, or what streets to take to avoid traffic lights. So, why do I feel it's appropriate to tell my husband? And then why does my heart rate immediately shoot up when he does not appreciate my wisdom?

Although my motives are pure, this behavior is completely obnoxious. There is constant implied criticism, even though that's not my intent. I would go insane if someone was constantly giving me 'tips' as to how to do things 'better'! It's toxic and destructive to your relationships. It's really just unacceptable in every way imaginable.

I am much, much better than I used to be. Really. I love my husband entirely too much to be stressing over the proper way to load a dishwasher. I still get stressed when he doesn't do things the way I think they should be done, and I'm honestly working on that, but I'm getting much better at recognizing my stress and walking away with my mouth shut. Because honestly, in the grand scheme of things, this stupid stuff just doesn't matter.

Learn to pick your battles. Loading the dishwasher is not one of them.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Discover

2011-12-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

What did you discover (big or small) in 2011?

To put it bluntly, that I suck at time management. I am really struggling to find time to get all my exercise in, spend time with my DH, keep my house sufficiently picked up, spend enough time with friends and family, read, cook, write my blog posts, read and comment on your blog posts, watch TV, go to movies, do yard work, go grocery shopping, do laundry, run errands, take a nap when I'm tired, or hop in the car for an impromptu road trip after working a full time job. Thank god I don't have children. Kudos to those of you who do. I honestly don't know how you do it.

Unless I'm in constant motion, everything doesn't get done. Unfortunately, I'm just not one of those people who can be in constant motion. I get completely overwhelmed and then I just kind of mentally and physically shut down. Take these past two weeks, for example. I have had an absolute blast these past two weeks. I have seen so many friends and had such a great time! But I'm exhausted! Yesterday I literally couldn't keep my eyes open for another second and took a four hour nap. I've been waking up at 5am for months now, but this morning I slept until 7:45! We went to yoga this morning and now I can barely stay awake again so I'm headed for another nap as soon as I publish this. I am not one of those people who does well when I'm busy all the time. I guess I just need to come to grips with that and stop comparing myself to everyone else.

Still, I wish I were more like all of you...

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#WEverb11: Persevere

2011-12-17T12:38:00.000-08:00

Describe something that disappointed you in 2011 and how you persevered.

I've written a lot about my impending layoff but what I've mentioned only briefly in passing (months ago) is what happened immediately before that: I'd spent the previous 18 months as part of the team working on our IPO. On the day we were scheduled to announced the IPO, we announced instead that we were being bought by someone else. That came out of left field and to say that we were all shocked and disappointed would be an understatement. Crushed would be a better word.

There's not much you can do, but it was a huge disappointment to have all the work that we'd done for the past 18 months all be for naught. Supporting the IPO had been about 40% of my job for months. We had no choice but to pick up and move on. Now we're working to help close the deal that will eventually mean the end of our jobs. Ironic, right?

I think it's probably a blessing in disguise. I've been at this company for 5 years but haven't been happy really the entire time I've been there. Parts of my job are quite interesting, but the company culture leaves a lot to be desired. Still, I was incredibly excited to be working on the IPO, not only because I found the work truly interesting but also because it was great experience.

I'm really hopeful about my next gig, wherever that may be. We'll see what 2012 has in store for me.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Surprise

2011-12-15T09:28:00.000-08:00

What event of 2011 affected you in an unexpected way?

The event itself was not a happy one at all, but there were some surprisingly happy aspects of it. The event was my beloved mother-in-law's death on July 4th. She'd had late stage dementia for quite some time so we knew it was coming. Her decline over the past year of her life was alarming, especially over the last few months.

Most of DH's family is scattered all over Northern California, while she lived with two of her daughters in Central California. If you come from a large family you know how impossible it is to get everyone together at the same time. This time it wasn't even planned but somehow we all ended up at her house on July 3rd.

DH's family has a lot of drama. Loyalties are always shifting and people seem to gang up on each other. Maybe most families are like this? Anyway, everyone put aside their differences and came together to say goodbye to their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, mother-in-law. She was an amazing woman. There were tears and lots of laughter. It was bittersweet. We knew it was her time to go. She was pretty unresponsive though she tracked us with her eyes. We held her hand and told her we loved her. We told her it was ok to go.

Everyone got along that day and I think we'll always remember how special it was. I know I will. I'm getting misty just thinking about it now. I'm glad that I have those memories of everyone being together, enjoying their time of reflection, on that last day of her life.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wise words

2011-12-15T06:17:00.000-08:00

We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions.

~ Steven R. Covey

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-12-14T06:15:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty good week last week: I lost 2.5 pounds for a total of 101 pounds.

I had approximately 45,000 Hershey's Kisses this past week. Ok, not really but it seemed like it. I had about 5 each day, and I savored each one. The holidays are in full swing and it is definitely the eating season. I've had several holiday meals/gatherings with friends and coworkers over the past two weeks. I've made reasonable food choices and watched my portion sizes. Still, let's be honest...it's not what I would be eating if I was home making my own food. And it's hard to resist all the goodies that are littering every available countertop at work. Cookies, cupcakes, fudge, donuts, candy, we have it all. For the most part I've done well, but make no mistake I've had bites. Once again, I'm so thankful for the 'dumping syndrome' side effect from my gastric bypass. I've made such great strides in my eating but I will never fully eliminate the desire for goodies. The fear of dumping is strong enough to keep my temptations in check for the most part. No treat is worth getting sick over! Especially in public!

I've also really refocused on portion sizes. Since my surgery I can only fit about 1 cup of food in my stomach but if left unchecked I can stretch it back out again. For quite awhile after surgery you don't have much of an appetite. They've cut through nerve endings and there's a lot of healing taking place. But I'm now a year-out. All my nerves have long since regenerated and my appetite has resumed. It's nowhere near what it was pre-surgery, but I do get hungry now. So, while I haven't been eating too-large portion sizes, I felt like I needed to once again start actively paying more attention to how much I'm eating. I've done so much work to lose weight that I don't want to get lazy and unfocused and start derailing myself.

DH and I decided that we will run the Disneyland half marathon in September. That's our big fitness goal for 2012. It's pretty daunting but I figure I have 9 months to train for it. I can totally do it. I've always wanted to stay at the Grand Californian, right on the property, but it's $400 a night. Screw it...we're staying there. I already booked the room and made the deposit. I was afraid it would fill up since the race is on Labor Day weekend. Last night was the first time I've run, if you could even call it that, since the end of September. My doctor said I could officially start exercising as of Monday, but I was beyond exhausted and went to bed early. Too funny. Anyway, I did 30 minutes of 2 minute walk/run intervals and I was EXHAUSTED. Wow. I can't believe how in shape I was two months ago when we went to Europe compared to now. Stupid surgery. It was super hard. But I made it and I am thrilled to be back. We're headed to yoga on Thursday night. Life is really good.

Are you on track with your food and fitness plans?

#WEverb11: Breathe

2011-12-14T00:30:00.000-08:00

How did you make space + peace for yourself in 2011?

We make a point to go through our house each year, room by room, and get rid of everything we don't need. Obvious junk gets thrown away, but 99% of the stuff gets donated to Goodwill or some other charitable organization. We've done this for the past several years and at this point have gotten rid of at least half the contents of our house. It gives me such peace to clean out my house and get rid of the clutter.

Also, because DH and I both lost so much weight this year we gave probably 30 huge plastic garbage bags of clothes to charity. Maybe even more. I had casual and workout clothes, but I also had some very nice work stuff as well. I really hope they went to someone who truly needed them so they had some nice things for work and not just to some rich bargain shopper. Had I thought more about it, I would have specifically donated the clothing to a place for women re-entering the workforce, or a women's shelter since they often leave the house with little clothing. But...I'm still losing weight so I'll be able to do that with future donations.

Donations gave me space in my house and peace for my mind.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Read

2011-12-13T16:28:00.000-08:00

What article or book changed your outlook on an issue or life?

I know it's so cliché to say Eat. Pray. Love, but hear me out. I resisted reading this book for years. To me it was navel-gazing at its finest. It wasn't until my sister said how life-changing it was for her that I agreed, half-heartedly, to give it a shot and I'm so glad I did. It pretty much changed my life as well.

Most of us can't even begin to fathom such an indulgent year. How could we put our lives on hold for that long? How would we pay for it? Who would take care of the business aspects of our lives while we were gone? I completely understand the criticism, but Elizabeth Gilbert is a brilliant writer and so many of the themes in this book are relatable. For example, who hasn't had their heart shattered?

Italy was fun and sent me researching Italian language classes, but for me the real meat really began with India. Most people I know didn't like the India portion very much, and I agree that it was probably the slowest. For me it was the most profound and definitely the most rewarding. I had what Oprah calls an Aha! moment while reading that portion: her struggle to quiet her mind really resonated with me. Until I read that book I didn't even realize that I often wasn't fully present and fully engaged while I was living my life. I wasn't taking things in. I wasn't focused. I was too busy being a multi-tasking extraordinaire. I was always doing twenty things at once, but never giving any of them my full attention. And I never actually gave my mind any peace. I was rarely in silence except when I was on my daily walks at work. The TV is always on, I'm reading or on the internet, I'm talking to my husband and making lists so I don't forget things. All at the same time. Or if I'm at work I've got my headphones on (to drown out my coworker who constantly burps), I'm answering emails, on the internet, working, people are stopping by, you know how it is. I need to learn (still!) how to slow down. Focus. Be fully present. Be fully engaged. Just be. That was an extraordinarily profound lesson from that book.

The other big thing I took away from the book was the part from Bali about falling in love. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, learning to trust again and allowing someone to take care of you is very, very scary for a control freak like me. My last relationship was pretty much a train wreck. It was very destructive and it took several years to recover from the fallout. Even now, years later, it'll rear its head out of the blue. I'm so thankful for my DH but it was really hard for me to let down my guard and let him in. He takes such good care of me. I honestly couldn't ask for a better partner.

Full disclosure: I actually read this in winter 2010. Shhhh...don't tell anyone.

Next on my reading list: Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater. I heard about it from one of the WEverb participants!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Teddy likes pumpkins!

2011-12-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

This is what I'm doing instead of getting ready for work. I can't stop watching. He's quite the chatterbox!

#WEverb11: Thrive

2011-12-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

What was your healthiest habit of 2011? What would you like to change or do differently in 2012?

2011 was all about weight loss, making healthier food choices and learning to incorporate exercise into my life. The food part was the easiest part for me. I really resisted the exercise part initially, but eventually got on board with it and now I can honestly say that I love it. Not necessarily every single minute while I'm actually doing it, but I'm constantly talking to myself in my head telling myself how strong I am and reminding myself how capable I am. I feel really proud of myself afterwards and nothing beats feeling proud of yourself! And you can't beat that runners high!

As for my single healthiest habit, it's actually one that I've been doing since 2007 but it's been the one that's had the biggest impact for me: bringing my food to work everyday. I can't stress enough how important that is. I make my lunch either the night before, or in the morning, but always when I'm not hungry. I pack amazingly healthy lunches and my nutritionist is always proud. If I didn't take my food with me, I would wait until I was too hungry before heading out to grab something and I would NEVER make wise choices about what to eat. My needs are different than yours probably are so my diet is very protein heavy. I always have 1/2 cup peanut butter in my lunch box at all times. I always take more food than I'll eat in a day just in case I have to work late. That ensures I'm not running to the vending machine. Taking my food keeps me from making bad choices.

I'm guilty of focusing too much on aerobic work so I really need to incorporate more strength training and core work in 2012. I also want to participate in a wider variety of activities. Currently I walk, run and do yoga, with the occasional bike ride thrown in for good measure. Bella and I are going to zumba in a couple weeks, so that's one to cross off my list. Hopefully we'll be able to buy an elliptical for our home. We already have a treadmill. Or maybe I'll join a gym, but that means DH needs to join too. That's expensive and we already have a yoga studio we love. Who knows. So many decisions!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Whew! What a busy, busy weekend.

2011-12-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

This was such an incredibly busy weekend but the highlight, hands down, was meeting Bella! It turns out we live about 15 minutes apart, so we met this very chilly Sunday morning for coffee. I instantly felt connected to her and never for a moment felt that awkwardness that sometimes accompanies new relationships. We talked about everything under the sun for close to 3 hours. There was an easiness there, especially given our shared history of weight struggles. I think we have begun a new friendship and I couldn't be happier. I'm such a dope...I took my camera but was so engrossed talking with her that I completely forgot to take pictures! If you're not reading her blog, please do check it out. Not only is she an amazing writer, but she has a fabulous perspective on life and amazing personal style!

In other news, I desperately need to catch up on the #WEverb posts. Last week I worked a lot of overtime and pretty much only had time to write my own posts each day. We finished up with month-end close on Friday so, barring some catastrophe, I should have time when I get home from work Monday to start reading some of the posts. I initially hesitated joining in - not because it didn't interest me, because it did - but because the thought of committing to posting everyday for a month seemed a little overwhelming. But, I have so loved participating in this exercise! I've enjoyed reflecting on 2011 and anticipating what's to come in 2012. The best part, however, has been the opportunity to discover new and interesting blogs. So many dynamic women out there and I've loved reading everyone's responses to the daily prompts. Now, if only I could get caught up!!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Try

2011-12-11T19:25:00.000-08:00

What 12 new things do you want to do/accomplish in 2012?

1. Horseback riding. I actually wanted to try it this year (and even posted about it!), but it just never worked out, for a variety of reasons. Definitely in 2012!

2. 'Finish' losing weight (hopefully around summer) and maintain my weight through the remainder of the year so I can start the process for plastic surgery in late 2012. I have a lot of freshening up to do!

3. Try one new recipe a month and blog about it. I'd like to say one a week, but I know I'd never be able to keep that up, so one it is!

4. Get a new job, preferably one that I actually like.

5. Read more! I need to find better balance. I spend entirely too much time on the internet and watching TV. I love my blog friends but I miss the experience of being lost in my books.

6. Be outside more! This goes hand in hand with #5. I'm spending way too much time inside. Being outside is good for my soul.

7. Zumba!

8. Finish paying off our remaining debt.

9. Run the Disneyland half marathon in September.

10. Spend more time with friends.

11. Exercise at least 5 times each week

12. Be more forgiving of myself. I'm way too hard on myself.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Create

2011-12-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

Share a creative project you undertook this year (art, writing, DIY, cooking, home decoration, crafts, photography ... whatever comes to mind). How do you use your creativity to express yourself?

The obvious answer to this is blogging, though I have a seriously long way to go with this.

I am truly left brained. My DH often jokes that I should donate the right side of my brain to someone who will actually use it. I excel at writing reports. And policies. And procedures. You know...dry stuff. Factual stuff. Several of my professors in college suggested I think about writing/editing textbooks. Prior to studying Accounting, I was in a Paralegal Studies program and I got As in all my Legal Research and Writing classes. That's the stuff I'm good at. This style of writing? Not so much.

I've been trying to remember to incorporate more pictures. And to post new recipes I've tried and other random things that interest me. The initial idea for the blog may have been to document my weight loss, but there's so much more to me than my weight so I don't want it to be solely about that. I'm trying to remember to step out of my comfort zone and exercise that creative part of my brain. It's really hard for me though! It definitely doesn't come naturally and I get discouraged more often than I care to admit.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Um...

2011-12-09T15:37:00.000-08:00

How come I'm just now finding out about this song? It's damn catchy!

TED: Less stuff, more happiness

2011-12-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Granted, this is farther than most of us are willing to go, but it's pretty thought provoking. Your thoughts?

#WEverb11: Appreciate

2011-12-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

In which moment did you find yourself flooded with gratitude? How will you rally around gratitude in 2012?

The moment that stands out is when I got the pathology results back from my hysterectomy in October. Cancer was not suspected, though my doctor cautioned me it was a possibility. Since my mom had cancer at 44, and I was now older than that, I naturally worried. The pathology showed that I had diffuse fibroid tumors, and bingo!...adenomyosis. I'd never even heard of that before. The fibroids were small and not causing too many problems. The real problem was the adenomyosis. My very un-doctorlike explanation is this: it's when the uterine lining grows within the muscle fibers. It eventually hardens and calcifies and so your nice, supple uterus no longer contracts easily like it's supposed to. It hurts and it bleeds. I bled non-stop from December to October. No fun.

After suffering for close to twenty years, it was a relief to finally get a diagnosis. I was so grateful that it wasn't cancer and to hear that my ovaries looked really good. It made me feel kind of high for a few days after that. And there was huge relief that I won't have to experience ickiness on an ongoing basis.

I made it a point in 2011 to be grateful and appreciate everything I have. I would actively remind myself of this fact every day. I am truly so fortunate. I plan to continue this awareness in 2012 and I'd also like to explore Buddhism. It's long fascinated me and I'd taken baby steps towards it in the past, but I recently bought a couple of books and I'm excited to explore. Who knows? It may not turn out to be for me, but I'm open. I googled during my hysterectomy medical leave to find formal meeting place information in my area but was a little overwhelmed and wasn't quite sure what I was reading. Hopefully we'll be restarting our yoga practice again in the next couple of weeks and I know for sure that one of the yogis is Buddhist so I'm going to ask her. I really want to focus on being a better person in 2012.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

What's your policy?

2011-12-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

I'm just curious...

How many times will you comment on someone's blog without them ever once visiting your blog before you abandon them all together?

If you'd been a faithful reader for several months, leaving dozens of comments and they never once left you a comment on your blog, would that bother you? I don't expect for a minute that there should be a 1:1 ratio between the number of comments I leave and the number of comments they leave. I mean, let's be honest, we all have lives to lead and probably follow a lot of blogs. But not even once? In several months you can't make time to come here even one time?

What's your general feeling on this? Does it bother you when it's one sided?

#WEverb11: Choose

2011-12-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

What was the biggest choice you made in 2011? What caused you to choose what you chose?

I feel bad for writing about travel again, but this was actually a pretty big decision - not for the reasons you're probably thinking. As I mentioned in my Travel post, we live below our means in order to travel. It's just that important to us. We take a couple of trips a year, but for special occasions we take BIG trips. This year my DH turned 50 and we'd long planned a trip to Europe to celebrate. We'd been thinking about our itinerary for a year or so and saving money and miles so we could upgrade to Business Class. Our trip was scheduled for September.

In early March I found out that my company was being acquired and, because the acquiring company was headquartered in Southern California (I'm in Northern California), everyone in Accounting would be getting laid off (in phases, not all at once). The deal was originally supposed to close on July 2, then sometime in September, then October, then December, and now sometime in 1Q2012. These are two monster sized companies and it's taking much longer to get all of the Government approvals than originally anticipated.

We really struggled with whether or not to cancel, or postpone, our trip. The job market is still so bad and I was (and still am) really worried about getting another job. We'd already spent $3,000 on plane tickets back in January. Those were non-refundable, but we would get our upgrade miles back and a $3,000 credit for future travel if we canceled. Realistically we were still looking at spending another $5,000 on train tickets, food, sightseeing, souvenirs, and the hotel in London (thankfully we had enough hotel points to cover the hotels in Amsterdam and Brussels). How could I justify spending that money when I knew that I would be losing my job, I just had no idea exactly when? For all I knew, by the time our trip rolled around in September the deal may have already closed and I may have already received notice or been jobless. Or...I may have gone on vacation and then gotten laid off as soon as I returned. It was pretty stressful.

I agonized over this decision for months. We didn't decide to go for sure until mid-July, about 6 weeks before we were scheduled to leave. In the end we just decided to go for it. If we didn't go then who knew when we'd be able to go? If I started a new job I couldn't very well take off for 3 weeks shortly after starting. Plus, DH is just so damn good to me that I wanted to do something really special for him. He deserved something really nice.

Was it a fiscally wise decision? Probably not. Suze Orman would be horrified, I'm sure. But we did it and I have no regrets. As much anxiety as I experienced pre-decision, once we made the decision I was at peace and never looked back. Our trip will be paid off next month and that makes me happy.

Just today they announced that the job market in the South San Francisco Bay Area, where I am, is picking up. It's home to all the companies you know: Apple, Facebook, Cisco, LinkedIn, Google, Adobe, Netflix, eBay, PayPal and thousands more. They're all doing really well and have all said recently they're expecting to drastically pick up hiring in early 2012, so wish me luck. I'm going to resume my job search again in mid/late January after we wrap up year-end close.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

#WEverb11: Favor

2011-12-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

What was your favorite month of 2011? Why did it beat out all 11 other months?

September, hands down. For two related reasons: I had three weeks off work and I went to Europe.

I spent 2.5 glorious weeks chatting with people from all over the world, eating amazing food, figuring out train travel, enjoying architecture, famous sites and museums, and being pampered in Business Class. I. Was. In. Heaven. It's pretty self explanatory why it beat the other 11 months!

Also in September I got confirmation that I would be having a hysterectomy. After many years of problems, I would finally be putting them behind me and moving on, so this was good news. My surgery was in mid-October, followed by a pretty deep depression that took me by surprise. Even though I wasn't going to be having kids, the fact that it was suddenly really and truly final sent me grieving. I'm finally coming out of it.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wednesday Weigh In: One Year Later

2011-12-07T06:22:00.000-08:00

A year ago yesterday I had gastric bypass. See how far I've come? (Do ignore the leaves! We had a 'wind event' a few days ago, in case you haven't heard. Stupid wind.)

I'm not quite finished yet but I'm so, so pleased with how far I've come in a year! I look better. I feel better. I move better. I can shop in 'regular' stores now. I'm off all weight-related medications. People treat me differently (this one also makes me quite sad). I can cross my legs. I fly comfortably. Simply put, I don't think about my size anymore, and that feels good.

My weight was all over the place last week for no reason. At one point I was up 3 pounds from where I am today. I've been eating like a champ with none of the goodies from the prior weeks and I resumed exercise as well. My stall is officially here. I gained a pound last week. I've now lost 98.5 since I began my gastric bypass journey, and 118.5 from my all my time high. My lowest weight was 193 and that was a month ago. Today I am 196.4 and a size 14. I'm hoping that the exercise will kick start things again. My last stall lasted 7 weeks.

This week I resumed mild exercise with my doctor's permission and it felt really good. I walked 5 times this week. I really missed being outside in the crisp air, hearing the birds and having time alone with the peace and quiet. If I'm not spotting next week I can start 'real' exercise. I'm still spotting today so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it stops by next week. Recovering from surgery takes a deceptively long time! I'm really missing exercise.

My depression is so much better this week than it was last week so I think the worst is over. It hit me hard and kind of knocked me off my feet for about 5 weeks.

Hope you're having a good week. Are you meeting your food and exercise goals?

Chicken Tacos

2011-12-06T18:37:00.000-08:00

Here's what we had for dinner tonight and it was fantastic. It's so insanely easy to make that I'm slightly embarrassed to tell you. But I will.

One of my friends shared this with me about a year ago and I've made it a bunch of times since then. It's so good and requires virtually no effort at all. What could beat that?

Here's all you need:
Chicken
1 package taco seasoning
1 to 1 1/2 cups water
crock pot

Throw the chicken in the crock pot. Dissolve the taco seasoning in the water, then pour it over the chicken. Cover and cook on low for 6-9 hours (crock pots are so forgiving!). Shred the chicken and use for tacos, burritos or whatever!

Here's the finished product

Crazy delicious!

#WEverb11: Travel

2011-12-06T00:30:00.000-08:00

Where did you travel this year? What was your favorite part? Where do you want to go next year?

I live to travel! Seriously. We live way below our means just so we can travel. Typically we take two major vacations a year, in either April or May and October. This year we went to Europe for two and a half weeks and we loved it so much we're trying to figure out a way to move there!

This was my third trip to Europe. My first trip was to Ireland for business. I worked like a dog during the week, but stayed a couple of extra days to see the sights. I fell in love with Dublin. For some reason I can't explain I'd never had any desire to go to Ireland but once I was there I never wanted to leave. I cannot wait to go back. Two days to sightsee was not nearly enough.

My second trip was in July 2005. DH and I went to Rome, Venice, Milan and Paris. Again, I fell in love. All so exquisite and all so different. Purely by chance, we ended our trip in Paris at the same time the Tour de France was ending. It happened to be Lance Armstrong's final race (at that time). I am not a sports fan, but I'm telling you...it was unbelievably exciting! To top it off, Lance's mom was on our plane home with his podium flowers and trophy and I got my picture taken with her!

This September we went to London, Brussels, Bruges and Amsterdam. Our last vacation had been the previous October so it was an especially long time to go between trips. In addition to being our normal holiday vacation, this trip was to celebrate DH's 50th birthday so it was extra special. We'd saved money and miles and traveled in style: Business Class. It would be hard to pick one highlight since each city has its own unique personality, but I can say that I would move to London or Amsterdam in a heartbeat. DH actually put in for a transfer to London. Siteseeing-wise, the highlights were: Buckingham Palace, including seeing Kate's wedding gown, and the Anne Frank house. If you'd like to read daily recaps of the trip, with lots of pictures, click on Travel in the 'Labels' section to the right.

We have a timeshare in Maui (soon to be paid off!!). For 2012 we have confirmed reservations for Maui in May, and we put in a request to trade for NYC in either October, November or December. I'm a huge theatre fanatic and really want to see Sleep No More and The Book of Mormon. I hope they don't close before we get there!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Friend Makin' Monday: I am...

2011-12-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

Say Hey

2011-12-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

I was just listening to this and this song makes me so happy that I just had to share it. Enjoy!

#WEverb11: Befriend

2011-12-05T00:30:00.000-08:00

Did you meet any new friends this year? How did they impact your 2011?

2011, more than any year in recent memory, brought a lot of new people into my life and I couldn't be more thankful. While I adore my existing friends, let's face it, sometimes we need to shake things up a bit. I'm loyal to a fault and will be a faithful friend long after I've gleaned hints that you probably no longer deserve the honor (one of my many faults, but I'm working on it!). Typically our friends fall into various categories and we get different needs met from each of them. This year was no different.

I had gastric bypass in December 2010 and one of the things I love most about my doctor's program is the monthly support group. It gives everyone a chance to come together and catch up on eachother's lives. The group is fairly large so it would be pretty difficult to become friendly with everyone. People tend to naturally congregate into groups of people having surgery in the same general timeframe as they are. Since we go through so many group classes together it makes sense - these are the people you're having the most interaction with and you're experiencing all the same milestones together after surgery. I've become pretty friendly with two of the ladies from this micro-group. One of them had surgery the week before me, and one of them on the same day. They're both already at their goal weight and I'm so happy for them. I had a bit more to lose than they did, but I'm hoping to join them by summer. Anyway, it's been really wonderful to see them each month, or every other month, and see everyone in the group shrinking. It's also been nice to encourage the newbies who've not yet had surgery. They're encouraged to attend the meetings as well and ask questions of those of us who've had it done. They all look so terrified and I imagine that I did as well the first time I came. It's been a fantastic experience.

The other arena that I've met folks has been via the blogging world. I'd had a blog prior to this one but didn't really take it very seriously. It was purely for fun. Most people in my circle were aware of the other blog so I started this one initially to document my gastric bypass journey. I hadn't really told a lot of people that I was going to have the surgery and needed a place to write anonymously about what I was feeling. Through this exercise I stumbled onto a bunch of weight loss bloggers, which in turn led to other weight loss bloggers and, well, you know the drill. Here we are, a year later, and I can honestly say that these men and women have changed my life. I have laughed with them, cried with them, and celebrated their successes. You can find all my favorites on my blogroll.

In addition, I became part of the BlogHer publishing network in 2011. I am so honored to be included in this amazing group of women. I've found so many inspiring and creative women's voices here. Do check it out!

Now, thanks to #WEverb11, I've now discovered new blogs that I love. I'm looking forward to following along in 2012!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wise words

2011-12-04T06:41:00.000-08:00

You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.

~ John Wooden

#WEverb11: Learn

2011-12-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

What lesson did you learn in 2011 from "The School of Life" rather than a classroom?

The overriding theme of this year was health, weight loss and exercise and that brought with it an awful lot of lessons.

I learned that my body is capable of so much more than I ever gave it credit for. After abusing it for so many years (decades!), it has truly forgiven me for everything I put it through. I learned that I am strong. I'd been walking for exercise for a few years but wanted to try running. I'd heard about the Couch to 5K training program somewhere along the way and researched it online. It was perfect because they outlined everything for you - exactly what you should do on each specific day. But I was terrified and so intimidated! Even though it was just me alone in the room with the treadmill with nobody watching, I just couldn't seem to amp the speed up enough to get myself airborne. I'm not exactly sure what I thought might happen. Would I trip and fall? I could always lower the speed if it was too much. I finally convinced myself to give it a try and you know what? I did it! I followed the program and started off slow. With each day I gained confidence and I learned that I shouldn't sell myself short. I cannot over-emphasize what a huge lesson this was for me. Growing up I was never one to be involved in sports. I was the one up in my bedroom reading or watching TV. I didn't have any confidence in my physical abilities. I really needed to learn that it's ok to step outside your comfort zone, and that I can do it! I really can do it! I sound a little like Sally Field here but it was a huge lesson for me. My next hurdle is Zumba.

I also learned that no matter how many times I convince myself otherwise, I will absolutely, 100% of the time forget my blog ideas by the next morning if I don't get out of bed to write them down.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using #WEverb11!

Wise words

2011-12-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

~ Erma Bombeck

#WEverb11: Listen

2011-12-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

What song did you listen to in 2011 to completely change your mood? Think about ways you can add more music to your life in 2012.

Today's prompt was submitted by my bloggy friend, Bella. I absolutely adore her blog. Be sure to head on over and check it out!

Oh, how I love music! I have several hundred CDs. It literally took me weeks to burn them all to mp3 several years ago. I sold them all to Rasputin and got enough money to buy DH and I both 30GB iPods and have carried my entire music collection with me everywhere I go since then. Anyway, nothing alters my mood quite like music and I am immediately transported back to whatever was going on in my life when I hear certain songs or artists.

This one was a no-brainer. The CD that I listened to the most this year was Cee Lo's The Lady Killer and my song choice for 2011 is Bright Lights, Bigger City. It's not so much that the lyrics hold any special place in my heart, it's that I literally cannot sit still when I hear it. This song just makes me so damn happy for some reason. I can't explain it. Take a listen and see what you think.

The entire CD is brilliant and most of the songs are irresistibly peppy. Another notable song is Love Gun. It's another one that makes me bounce around. This is just the song though, not the video.

My other favorite CD from 2011 was Marc Broussard's self-titled CD Marc Broussard,which could not be more different than Cee Lo. Marc rocks it live, so be sure to check him out if he comes to your town.

Music is already so integrated into my daily life that I don't need to worry about how I will incorporate more into 2012. Weird timing though because the AM talk radio station that I listen to at work all day long just announced a format change last night to an all news format. You may remember from a former blog post I did that I'm a news junkie, but I already have enough news. I loved listening to the talk show format. Since that will be going away as of Monday, that means more music by default!

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using the #WEverb11 hashtag!

#WEverb11, Day 1: One Word

2011-12-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

Choose one word. Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why. Imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

The word that best describes 2011 for me is change. The most obvious example is the 100 pounds I lost in 2011 but there are many other changes that go hand-in-hand with that, supporting it so to speak. I had to completely change the way I eat, and change the way I felt about exercise (I love it now, by the way). I had to change the way I felt about the new reflection staring back at me in the mirror. As a result of my new body, the clothes I wear have changed. My previous wardrobe was mostly black. And shapeless. Now I wear lots of color and dare I say that some of my clothes are actually somewhat formfitting!

2011 was also the year that I started blogging seriously. I'd had a blog before my current one but didn't devote nearly the time that I should have, and still don't if I'm being honest. Blog writing is a huge change for me and definitely way out of my comfort zone. I'm much more at home in the world of the business writing I do for work and the term papers I had to do for school.

2011 has been a year of non-stop upheaval at work. I won't bore you with the gory details, but suffice it to say that things have been constantly changing since early March. And it won't end soon...my company is in the process of being acquired and I expect to be laid off soon.

I'd like my word for 2012 to be fun. 2011, while incredibly satisfying, was not what I would call a fun year. I'm hoping 2012 brings some fun.

If you'd like to join in on the daily writing prompts, click on over to WEverb11 and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using the #WEverb11 hashtag!

Last night...

2011-11-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

I had a dream about...JUSTIN BIEBER! How random is that? I can't stand him, but I'm obviously decades older than his target demographic. We were sharing our thoughts about European travel.

Forever Incomplete

2011-11-30T09:12:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel today (except the part about kids LOL). Such a beautiful song.

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-11-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends and that there wasn't too much drama! Drama sucks.

In my no-sleep fog last week I forgot to log my weigh in results so I used my best guess for last week's weight. I gained 1/2 pound. At one point this week I was up 4 pounds from where I am now so I know that some of this is just water or hormones, but let's face it...it was a holiday week and I did eat more calories than normal. And it's now been 8 weeks with no exercise thanks to my hysterectomy and the quarter-end close schedule at work that preceded it. Some of the increase is legit. My total weight loss had hit a high of 102 pounds, but now it is 99.5 pounds. I know from reading enough of your blogs, especially those of you who've had gastric bypass, that stalls/minor gains are normal and I'm not freaking out. Next week it will be one year since my gastric bypass surgery and I'm really happy with the progress I've made.

Overall I'm doing ok with food lately. Not perfect, but ok. I've definitely had more goodies than normal, but by that I mean maybe a fun size candy or two, or like yesterday when my Director brought in vegan gluten free brownies, which were fantastic by the way. Hitting the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving was one neverending trigger. That big display they have near the front of the store with all the holiday staples caught my attention and I spent way too much time walking around the entire thing even though I didn't buy anything. They had the alcoholic eggnog, which I love, and all the baking stuff. Last week my sweet tooth was on full display, while this week I have little interest in food of any kind.

I'm still having terrible nausea, which my doctor suspects is related to IBS/colitis (and not related to my surgery at this point), and I often don't feel like eating. Which is worse: nausea or pain? Both suck but I'm going to go with nausea, but maybe that's only because I've never been in severe enough pain.

I had my 6 week post-op appointment yesterday and the doctor said I'm still not fully healed. Boo. I have a couple of spots internally that are still bleeding a tiny bit. She put some chemical on them to stop the bleeding. DH asked if it was Windex, a la My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and that made me laugh. Anyway, this means no exercise (or sex) for two more weeks. I have to go back next week if I'm still spotting. She said I can now start walking for exercise, but no yoga and no running. And I'm anxious to try Zumba. My doctor was pretty impressed that I've lost almost 10 pounds since my surgery. Apparently most people gain 5-10 pounds in the 6 weeks after surgery.

I mentioned several weeks ago, though I'm sure you won't remember, that my gynecologist went on a humanitarian trip to Ethiopia a few days after my surgery. I absolutely adore her. We really connect on a personal level, not your typical doctor-patient relationship at all. We had a long talk before she left and I told her how much I wanted to be involved in humanitarian work but, as an Accountant, I wasn't sure what I could offer. I told her about projects and presentations that I did in college about micro-finance (look for more on this in a post later this week) and how it literally changed my life. She was in Ethiopia when I had my first post-op appointment, so I saw her colleague. She was so excited when she came into the room yesterday and it made me really happy. She said she thought about me while she was there and couldn't wait to tell me about her trip. The village where they were had only one doctor so she was there to train him on gynecological surgery techniques. She said they did about 50 surgeries together in the four weeks she was there. She also said that the surgeon who did my gastric bypass went to Ethiopia with her as well. He went to train the doctor on general surgery techniques. Anyway, I know this isn't really related to my health or weight loss progress but I just love this and I had to share it with you guys.

My depression is getting a little better week by week. It's definitely still there and I'm not back to normal yet, but I feel light years better than I did a few weeks ago. I was not in a good place at all. I'm still having a really hard time with my concentration and it's literally agony for me some days to write, both here on the blog and at work. I had to draft some documents this week, a couple of which had to be reviewed by our General Counsel and the words just wouldn't come. I'm sure he was horrified by my legal prowess. I'm also still struggling a bit with my problem solving skills at work. It's just so frustrating. Things that were second nature are suddenly a struggle for me and I've actually had to put a few things aside for another day when my concentration is better, assuming they're not urgent. I simply can't concentrate and it's frustrating as hell. I really hope this resolves itself soon. My overall mood continues to improve though so that makes me happy. I've seen several of my friends lately and I'm remaining interested in things. One day at a time.

That's it for today. How are things with you? Are you excited for the Christmas/Hanukkah season? Any big plans for the remainder of the year?

Friend Makin' Monday: Holiday Shopping

2011-11-28T19:24:00.000-08:00

Holiday Shopping

Do you like to shop? Nope. I did when I was younger, but now I have everything I need. I'd much rather spend the money on travel instead of buying more 'things'. As it is I'm constantly donating the stuff I already have.

Have you started shopping for Christmas gifts yet? Thankfully we only buy presents for our two grandchildren (are you asking yourself how I have grandchildren when I have no children??) and my two nephews. We got the gifts for the grandchildren already, so we just have the nephews left. I'd like to knock those out in the next week or so.

DH and I don't buy presents for each other. We donate to charity instead. One of the lucky ones this year is the Beagle Freedom Project. I heard about them on the NBC Nightly News' Making a Difference segment last week. They're all rescued laboratory beagles and they literally broke my heart. I tried to adopt two of them, but they'll only let you adopt if you already have a dog at home. These dogs have lived in cages their entire lives and need to learn from other dogs how to be dogs. We're still deciding on the other lucky charities.

Did you shop on Black Friday? We went to one store. Every year one of the local patio furniture stores converts their entire store into a Christmas shop. They have about 30 trees beautifully decorated, along with stockings, Santa statues and various knick knacks. Every year I buy some new holiday stuff. At this point our entire tree consists of red and gold ornaments from this store.

List a few of your favorite stores. Macys. I love to look at Sephora but I hate wearing makeup everyday. I love, love, love Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn. Bed, Bath and Beyond is a dream. I could spend days in there.

What is the last thing you purchased for yourself (food and drinks excluded?) I was forced to buy some new long sleeved shirts a couple of weeks ago. I've lost so much weight that nothing fit anymore.

Do you prefer to shop in-store or online? It depends on what I'm getting. If it's something I have to try on, or something I have to feel (like sheets), then I need go in to the store. But Amazon is my friend and I get whatever I can online.

If you could purchase one thing that you don’t need at all for yourself today, what would it be? That's easy...either diamonds or plane tickets to go somewhere fabulous. Money is no object, right?

Does your significant other shop with you? Do they love it/hate it? DH always goes with me. We pretty much do everything together. He likes shopping more than I do, but that's not saying much.

Do you shop at thrift stores? My mom has great luck shopping in thrift stores and finally convinced me to go with her a few months ago. That was the first and last time I will be doing that. Not my thing.

When you’re holiday shopping, do you make lists? Do I physically write things down? No. But I know what we'll be buying.

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link. I hope you're as excited as I am about the holiday season. Bring on Elf, Christmas Vacation and Love Actually!

I've un-installed CommentLuv

2011-11-27T05:10:00.000-08:00

Well that was fast, right? As a blog reader, I adore the CommentLuv plugin. As a blogger, I did not enjoy it at all. I didn't realize when I installed it that I would no longer be able to see comments from the Blogger dashboard - you have to go to the Intense Debate (CommentLuv) website to see comments. And the comments were wonky on the blog too because it would say there were no comments when there were. Super annoying.

The program was originally written for Wordpress so maybe the integration is a bit more seamless between those two than it is with Blogger?

Sorry to those of you who left comments in the meantime. When I uninstalled the program it deleted the comments :(

Turkey Trots & George Clooney movies. Oh yeah.

2011-11-25T21:51:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving yesterday! We had a great day. DH and I started things off at the Silicon Valley Turkey Trot. Originally we were both slated to run the 5K, but as you know, I had a hysterectomy and wasn't able to run. It was DH's first 5K so I was there to cheer him on. Here were are about 7am just after we picked up our race shirts.

21,000 people participated in the 5K/10K and a bunch of them were dressed in silly costumes. Spider-Man was really fast! He ran the 10K and finished in the first 20 runners or so, if I remember correctly.

The guy on the left won the wheelchair race. I'm pretty sure it was a 10K. I never even saw the other wheelchair folks finish the race but they were probably just buried in with the rest of the 21,000 participants.

The guy with the green socks placed third in the 10K. He finished in 31:06. I didn't get pics of any of the winners as they were finishing but DH just happened to take a pic of this guy before the race. His green socks first caught our eyes, but we kept watching because he was a bundle of energy right before the race, bouncing and running around.

Here's DH as he crossed the finish line. He's so happy. Not sure if this is standard operating procedure at races, but people were pretty much just stopping as soon as they crossed the finish line. As a result, it got SUPER backed up. This all happened fairly early on when there were still some pretty serious racers competing for time and it continued on for probably a good 20 minutes. People were literally stopped about 2 full minutes prior to the finish line. Most people took it in stride and were just there to have a good time, but some people got really mad. DH was just happy he made it to the end. He says it's much harder to run on the street than it is on the treadmill. I've never done it, but it makes sense.

After the Turkey Trot we stopped at a local coffeeshop, packed with fellow Turkey Trotters, and grabbed some breakfast. Then we took naps until it was time to go pick up my mom and head to the restaurant. The food itself was quite tasty but, all in all, this Thanksgiving meal is probably one of the least memorable food-wise in a long time.

We are, however, making the Turkey Trot an annual tradition. It was a lot of fun and I was really bummed that I wasn't able to run with DH. I got a little teary watching everyone start the race, and then again as they finished. The announcer guy said it raised $600,000 for the local food bank and that didn't even include the food drive portion.

Today we saw George Clooney's new movie, The Descendants. We both loved it but this is definitely not a happy, feel-good movie. Both of the girls who played the daughters were so good. I have pretty deep ties to Hawaii and this movie just made me miss it so much. It's a beautiful movie and I highly recommend it.

Also today, I received the hospital bill for my hysterectomy. It was $47,000 and that only covers the hospital portion. I've yet to receive the bills for the surgeon and assistant surgeon, anesthesiologist, and the lab work that was done. This Thanksgiving I'm extra thankful for the fact that I have insurance. If I didn't, my options would have been to either forego my surgery and stay in pain, or drown in medical debt. Thanks to my insurance, I'm only responsible for paying the $125 copay.

I'm feeling very thankful today. How about you?

I've installed CommentLuv

2011-11-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

Some of my favorite blogs use the CommentLuv comment system and I love it. When you leave a comment it will now provide a link back to your most recent blog post. Prior to posting your comment it will also show you a list of your last several posts so you can override it to point to a different post if there's a different one you'd like to highlight.

As a blog reader I've loved clicking on all the links in the comment section that catch my eye. I can't tell you how many new blogs I've found this way. I hope you'll find it beneficial too. Blogging is such an amazing community. I'm doing my part to share the CommentLuv!

Wise words

2011-11-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.

~ Deepak Chopra

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-11-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here in my jammies, working from home, and I completely forgot what day it is! I normally weigh myself first thing in the morning, right after I hit the bathroom. Last night I couldn't sleep for all the tea in China and finally took a sleeping pill about 2:30am. When the alarm went off at 6am I was all disoriented and hit the snooze a few times before finally stumbling out of bed. I totally forgot to weigh myself this morning and I've already had 20 ounces of water so this isn't 100% accurate, but here it is: I gained just over a pound this week.

I know that I haven't eaten an additional 3,500 calories so I'm not concerned that it's 'real' weight, but I will say that I've eaten more carbs this past week than I've eaten in a long time. I've been depressed so maybe it's comfort food? I did have a Skinny Cow mint ice cream cone for breakfast yesterday. The breakfast of champions! I finished off the day with some amazing 'old' gouda that I picked up from a Dutch store that I found around the corner from my house. I had three slices throughout the day, though to be fair they were pretty thinly sliced. It was delicious!

My doctor's office called and they moved my post-op appointment up a week. It's now on Monday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get the ok to resume exercise. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed as well. I really need to get active again and I can't wait to try this flying yoga class I've heard so much about!

OK I'm off for a morning nap. Three hours of sleep just isn't cutting it today. Wishing all of you a blessed Thanksgiving with your families and friends. Be safe!

Friend Makin' Monday: Thanksgiving Plans

2011-11-21T14:27:00.000-08:00

What are your plans for Thanksgiving this year? Does your family have traditions? If so, share them…(I know that some of you live outside of the US so feel free to fill us in on other holiday traditions!)

Well, let's see. This year we are going to eat at La Mere Michelle in Saratoga. It's a fantastic restaurant with amazing food, but honestly it won by default this year: it was the only restaurant I could find that's serving their regular menu in addition to a special holiday menu. For the past several years we've eaten at Grill on the Alley and their holiday prix fixe menu (as well as their regular menu) is to die for! But, since I had gastric bypass, it just doesn't make sense to eat there anymore, at least not for the holidays with a prix fixe menu. I just can't eat enough food to justify the price. I've already scoped out La Mere Michelle's menu and I know for sure I'm having the baked brie with apricots! I may have the french onion soup, or I may just eat off of DH's plate. We'll see.

Growing up we had no family living in the state so it was just my parents, my sister and me. We did the traditional Thanksgiving feast for years, then somewhere along the way we switched to prime rib. We did that for a few years, then we started our tradition of splurging at the various upscale restaurants that offer holiday menus. Once my dad died 20 years ago we became even less traditional, sometimes heading to Hawaii, sometimes heading to Chinese restaurants, sometimes spending the day with my sister's MIL or SIL and their families (they're both awesome!). In the recent years the holiday weekend included a trip to see my MIL, but she passed away this 4th of July. This will probably be a hard day for DH.

This Thanksgiving marks DH's first 5K. We'd both signed up for the Turkey Trot but that was before I knew I was having a hysterectomy. I won't be participating this year, but I will be there to cheer DH on. After the Turkey Trot we'll probably go see George Clooney's new movie, The Descendants, before heading to dinner with my mom.

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link. Here's wishing you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving with your friends and families!

Depression Sucks

2011-11-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

So, yeah. About the recent lack of posts...that title just about says it all, no? What can I say? It's been a tough time for me. I really appreciate you hanging in there with me while I worked my way through this. I can't tell you how much I appreciated the comments and the emails. They meant a lot to me. Truly.

Depression is a tricky thing. I do have a history with it, so sometimes it's just a biological issue and there doesn't even have to be a trigger. The thing is...it's a vicious circle. Once you're depressed and sensitive and vulnerable, everything seems to exacerbate it and you seem to get progressively worse.

I'm tired of chipper people telling me that happiness is just a state of mind and that I should be thankful for everything I have and I just need to basically get over myself. If you're just someone that's a drama queen and may need a good slap in the face to get you back to reality, that might work as a wake up call. But if you truly have brain chemicals that are not quite right, no amount of 'willing yourself' to be happy is going to work. At least not for me. And, like I said above, depression may start off initially as situational, but then it may take on a life of its own. Sometimes it becomes its own animal and it can be difficult to pull yourself out of it.

I've spent the past few weeks trying to be kind to myself and trying to be patient and remind myself that this will pass soon. And for the most part, it seems to be lifting a bit. Last week I literally had no interest in doing ANYTHING. I can't remember a time in the last 15-20 years that I have had so little interest in anything. It was not an enjoyable way to be. While I would never say that I am back to normal, this week seems to be somewhat better. I have resumed reading and commenting on my favorite blogs. Gosh, I missed you guys so much!! I mean, not at the time (just keeping it real!), but over the past couple of days I've caught up on several days worth of your posts. In addition, I've made a few phone calls to friends the past few days. I'd been kind of avoiding my friends the past few weeks, but I actually wanted to call them and talk. I even met one of my friends for lunch on Friday and had a really good time. That seems like progress.

I can identify a couple of situations that came up recently which I'm sure have contributed somewhat to my despair. One of them in particular came out of nowhere and threw me for a loop and that was the grief I felt about my hysterectomy. Now let me be clear: I wanted this surgery and I did not want children. One of my earliest posts was about not having kids (I do hope you'll check it out. I think it's one of my better posts). As a practical matter, this issue was settled years ago. DH and I discussed it prior to getting married, obviously, and we've had several discussions over the years just to be sure we were both still on the same page. We were definitely not having any kids. But for some reason once I had my surgery and there was physically no going back, there was tremendous sadness. Now I can't have them biologically (to be fair, it would have been really difficult for me to have them due to my bicornuate uterus), and at our ages we're too old that any adoption agency would ever allow us to adopt. Even though this issue has been settled for years, suddenly it seems so real. Does that make any sense? The feelings were very unexpected.

The other situation that comes to mind was the isolation from being home alone for 2.5 weeks. Apparently I do not do well sitting in the house by myself for that long. I was not up for visitors and clearly in no position to drive so I was literally trapped in my house. My husband had a few prior commitments a few nights after work so it was pretty much just me here all day by myself every day. I was very lonely, and very, very bored. Not fun.

I've also got the whole neverending saga of the acquisition going on at work. Seriously, it's been 9 months since they told us we're being acquired and we still don't know when the deal will close or when we'll be laid off. After awhile it really takes a toll. In the meantime, I'm focusing on how incredibly grateful I am to have a job! I never lose sight of that little nugget, believe me.

So, while things are definitely getting better, I am not 100% back to normal. I am still a little overly sensitive and reading a little too much into everything. Still a little too quick to go from irritation to anger. Still a little too quick to cry, and I'm normally not a crier! That said, I do notice my overall mood improving a bit everyday. I have my next post-op follow up appointment with my doctor the end of next week and I'm really hoping she gives me the go ahead to resume exercise. I'll need to take it slow at first and ease my way back into things but I think it will help my mood. I can't wait!

Thanks again for your support and giving me the time I needed to get through this. You guys are the best.

A perfect Saturday

2011-11-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning feeling super restless. My mind was racing and there was no way that staying in the house was going to be sufficient. I definitely needed to get out of the house today. DH and I checked to see what movies were playing but the two we wanted to see - The Ides of March and 50/50 - are already gone. How is that even possible?! Those movies were both very highly reviewed and didn't come out all that long ago. I was so disappointed. We moved on to Plan B.

Since I've lost weight I literally have less than 15 tops and none of them are long sleeved. Thankfully it doesn't get too cold in California, but the weather has definitely become cold enough over the past couple of weeks that long sleeves are in order so we headed to the mall to get some new clothes. Most of you would probably be thrilled, however I despise shopping so I just wanted to get it over with. I got lucky because today everything at Talbots was 30% off! I got four cute long sleeve tees, two with cute sparkly things on them and one gorgeous dark purple number that I didn't think would look good but did! I'm off to a good start. From there I headed to Coldwater Creek and they were also having a sale: 50% off the second item. I got four more tees there. I'm now 'officially' in a Large. No more XL or 1X. Just plain old Large and I couldn't be happier. I'm not done losing weight though so I suspect that Medium will be where I end up. These shirts will get me through the season, though I may need to buy a warmer jacket at some point. I did get one when we were in London but I don't think it'll be warm enough once January comes around. It sure would be nice to not have to buy a jacket though! They're expensive and I'd hate to have to buy another jacket, in addition to the one I got in London, that I'll only wear one season. It just seems like such a waste of money.

While we were out I realized that I'd forgotten to eat breakfast and I suddenly became ravenous. There are a couple of real restaurants in the mall, but since it was only 10:45 they hadn't opened yet so we headed to the food court. I was a little worried about what I'd eat. Hot dog on a stick? No. Cinnabon? No. Panda Express? No. Boudin Bakery? Hmm maybe, let's check out the menu. Grilled cheese with brie, havarti, fig jam and thin slices of granny smith apples? YES, PLEASE! DH and I split one and it was phenomenal! Never did I think I'd have something so tasty at the mall food court.

After that we headed to Macy's and got DH some new work shirts and then it was on to Petco to pick up a little house and bed for the stray cat who has been living in our backyard. We've already got kitties so I don't want to bring him in the house in case he's got diseases that our kitties are not immune to, so we feed him outside. He's a big orange guy that we've named Tom (for 'tomcat', get it?). He was obviously somebody's pet and I suspect they abandoned him when they moved. He looks to be pretty old and he's been in many fights judging from his battle scars. He's a sweet boy and he breaks my heart.

There was a Starbucks next to Petco so we headed over to try the new Skinny Peppermint Mocha and may I just say, YUM! One of my coworkers told me about them and they're really good. I can't remember the exact numbers, but I looked it up online and it's about 115 calories, 13g carb and 15g protein. Not bad! DH and I split it since I'm technically not supposed to have caffeine, but I do sometimes. Don't tell anyone!

The rain they promised never arrived, though it is actually fairly cold. We've got a fire in the fireplace and I feel good today. My fingers are crossed that this depression may finally be lifting.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-11-16T07:02:00.000-08:00

Hi gang! Hope everyone is having a fabulous week. It's a short WWI this week, but I think I'm finally starting to come out of my funk and actually got a few posts outlined and drafted yesterday. We're having dinner tonight with friends so I won't have time to work on them again until tomorrow. I hope to have one of them posted Thursday. I can gauge how depressed I am by my level of interest in writing. Lately I've just had zero to say. Thanks for hanging in there with me while I struggled through this. It's not been fun.

Anyway, on to my weigh in results! As I suspected, after several consecutive weeks of fairly significant losses, it's come to an end and I actually gained a pound this past week. I eat like a bird so I'm not concerned that it's 'real' weight gain. My rings, which normally slip off quite easily, have been a bit of a challenge to get off these past few days so I think I'm just retaining water. They removed my uterus but not my ovaries so I will still continue to have normal hormonal fluctuations. Perhaps this is my period??

Still no exercise for a few more weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy. Our campus at work is fairly large and these past two days I've taken a walk once around the campus. It took me about 20 minutes and I was EXHAUSTED when I was done. Literally just exhausted. Not breathing hard or anything, I just felt like I needed a nap. It amazes me that I've just completed my fourth week of recovery after surgery and it still has tangible effects. These 20 minute walks reinforced my doctor's advice that I won't be ready for next week's 5K Turkey Trot, but I will still be there to cheer on DH.

Alrighty, I'm off to jump in the shower and head to work. How's your weight loss and exercise journey going? Are you pleased with your recent progress?

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-11-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

Wow. I completely missed posting last week's WWI. I started back to work part time last week and it completely kicked my butt. I'd come home every day about 2 or 3pm and sleep for hours. On top of that I'm still dealing with horrible nausea that just appeared out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago and has yet to subside. Worse yet, the doctor says that gynecological surgeries are notorious for nausea and it could last for weeks. Super. Oh well. At least I'm healthy and healing well. It could be so much worse.

I lost 7 pounds over these past 2 weeks, for a total of 102 pounds since I started my gastric bypass process and 122 pounds since my all time highest recorded back in 2007. The loss was completely unexpected. Historically after several weeks of losses, especially with a week or two of big losses, I stall. I've been losing pretty consistently for weeks now. I'm due for a stall big time, and I'm expecting it to last a good long while. The last one ended a few months ago and lasted 7 weeks. Anyway, I'm thrilled that I lost 7 pounds, I just didn't expect it.

DH took my measurements and I continue to be amazed at how much I've changed in such a short amount of time. I had my surgery December 6th but didn't take my measurements for the first time until May 1st. I really wish I'd taken them right in the beginning like they told us to. Here are a few examples of how many inches I've lost since May: neck 1.5", upper arms 1.25", chest 3", waist & hips 4.5", thighs 2" and calves 1.5". Pretty good, right?

I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at work last week and I audibly gasped. I suddenly look so small. I mean, I'm not small. I'm a size 14, but suddenly I just look so small. I've lost 20 pounds since we got back from Europe 6 weeks ago. It's weird but literally in the past month or so I just feel so comfortable in my own skin, even though I'm flabby as hell. I feel sexy. I feel confident. If you saw me naked you'd be horrified, yet I am oddly not overwhelmed by shame or embarrassment like I was before. Don't get me wrong, those feelings are still there, but they're lessened. I really feel fantastic. For a variety of reasons, I wasn't ready before now to lose weight but it makes me so sad that I wasted so many years of my life just feeling so bad about myself. My husband saved me. He drives me crazy sometimes but this man has changed me in ways I never dreamed possible. It is no coincidence that when I felt truly safe and truly loved that I had the desire to become healthy in order to live as many years as possible with him.

I had my post-op appt last week and the doctor said no exercise for 6 more weeks. I told her about what happened to me after walking 20 minutes on the treadmill and she said I should only be walking about 5 minutes at a time, 10 minutes next week, etc. I asked if that meant the 5k Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving was a 'no' and she pretty much said 'yes'. She said I could try but didn't think I'd be able to finish it (walking, not running). I'm still going though because it'll be DH's first 5K and I want to be there to cheer him on. He's running the whole thing and I'm so proud of him. As for me, it looks like I can't run or do yoga until right around Christmas. I will definitely be antsy and ready to move around by then. I'm already a little stir crazy even though I have no energy.

My doctor gave me pictures she took during my surgery. I think they're so flipping cool. They stuck a camera in my belly button and took these. I can't believe the picture quality is so clear. Apologies if you think these are gross. To me they don't even seem real. The upper left pic is of my uterus. That little bugger is what caused me so many problems for so many years! My uterus was bicornuate, which means it had two distinct cavities inside with a wall separating them. It would have made carrying a baby difficult, though not impossible. Odds are that I would have been on bed rest for most of my pregnancy and would have delivered pretty early. I'd known about this deformity since I was in my teens so that wasn't a surprise. I also have three kidneys! Just a little fun fact about me! Anyway, the first row second pic, and second row first pic are the right and left fallopian tubes coming off the uterus with the ovaries at the end. Second row second pic, the thing being held by clip-thing is my appendix and the grey discolored blob on far right is intestine. Bottom pic is my liver. I think these are the most fabulous souvenirs I ever got!

I confess that I'm struggling and feeling a bit depressed. Not sure what the problem is exactly. Maybe just being so sedentary and isolated for the past few weeks? Or, maybe I'm getting depressed for real. I have no motivation to do anything. Normally I'm on the internet off/on from about 6am to 10pm. This past week I have spent minimal time on the internet. No Facebook. No Twitter. I only read a few blogs. I just have no interest in anything. Really all I want to do is sleep, or at the very least lay in bed. This sucks.

I want a new job, but looking for a new job is so overwhelming to me. With this acquisition looming I know I will be getting laid off, I just don't know when. After awhile it takes a toll. I had been looking, but then put the brakes on the job search when we went to Europe and then I got confirmation of my surgery in October. I figured I'd take the rest of year to finish healing and enjoy the holidays and then resume my search in January.

Alrighty, I'm off to jump in the shower and head off to work. Tonight is the monthly support group meeting and I always look forward to those. Hope your day is spectacular!

Sunday in Santa Cruz

2011-10-31T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my sister invited us over for dinner and I happily accepted. Not only was I happy to see her family and eat her famous filet mignon, but it allowed me to spend a few hours squatting on her couch enjoying the gorgeous view. It's a long story as to how she ended up there, but she was blessed with the opportunity to live just three houses away from the ocean in a beautiful home that most of us only dream of. Yes, I'm jealous. Not of the house so much, but definitely of the location. I'm a beach girl through and through.

The houses in this area usually have the main living areas on the second floor to take advantage of the ocean views and hers is no exception. Check out these views.

The view from the kitchen

The view from the family room

My sister is not a confident chef but she stumbled onto this recipe for roasted beef tenderloin a few years ago on the Whole Foods website and it's become her signature dish. I've heard about it over the years but this was the first time I'd ever had it. It was amazing! Whoever took the picture they have on the website should be fired though because it looks so much better than that when you make it for real. Let me just say that this was so good it tasted like something you'd get at a restaurant. The meat was unbelievably tender and perfectly seasoned with rosemary, thyme and garlic. YUM! And the potatoes and carrots cooked in the same pan with the same seasoning? Double yum!

She'd made a pumpkin cake for dessert and my four year old nephew licked the frosting off and left the cake. Now that's my kind of kid! I asked to see his costume but he said it was dirty (it wasn't). He's going to be Boba Fett from Star Wars. I thought four years old would be too young to like Star Wars, but they love it in that house. His older brother, who's ten, is going to be Luigi from Mario Brothers.

It was really nice to get out of the house for a few hours. It was especially lovely when the fog started rolling in just after the sun set. I was supposed to be working from home this week but I'm having VPN connectivity issues so I'm going to be heading into the office part time starting tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to seeing people. How sad is that?

Friend Makin' Monday: Bouncing Back

2011-10-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

What do you do when trying to reclaim your healthy lifestyle after a few emotional, unhealthy weeks?

This is a such great topic because we've all been here at one time or another. How do you recover and get back on track when you've been thrown for a loop?

Mostly I start by just being kind to myself and not beating myself for the (probably) poor choices I've made in the recent few weeks. Life doesn't end because I made a few bad choices. I just try to get back on track as best as I can. Depending on how hard my world has been rocked, focusing on both eating and exercising at once may be asking too much initially. I'm certainly not advocating going hog wild but let's be honest, sometimes focusing on either food or exercise is all we can manage until we're back on our feet. Some people can just power through things and I admire that. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. I know enough about myself by now to know when I'm capable of each and give myself permission to grieve and heal when needed without feeling guilty. The time will come when I'm feeling 100% and kicking butt full-time again.

I find that sunshine is good for my soul so I try to get outside for a few minutes every day, when possible.

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link.

The ABC's of food

2011-10-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Karen's Waisting Time blog today and loved it. It was one of those posts that you are excited to read everyone's answers. I love Karen's blog. If you're not reading it, be sure to check it out. It's one of my faves!

Since my brain is mush these days, from not leaving my house and all, I'm especially thankful to have a ready made post idea. I never thought I'd be so happy to be returning to work tomorrow, even if I am working from home. My mind desperately needs some stimulation!!

OK...let's do the ABC's of food!

A is for Apple: What’s your favorite variety?
Oooh Granny Smith. Hands down.

B is for Bread: Regardless of nutrition, what is your favorite type?
Ok well, since I had gastric bypass in December I am pretty limited in the breads I can eat now. It's not that I don't eat bread, it's just that I eat very little of it these days. The bread I do eat is usually limited to the low carb tortillas that I use to make wraps, 100 calorie bagels and the occasional slice of brown bread from Outback. But, we just got back from Europe and I did enjoy many tasty breads while we were there, most notably a sweet raisin and currant bread in Amsterdam that was to die for. But since nutrition isn't an option here, I love some nice hot sourdough, anything with raisins and most sweet brown breads.

C is for Cereal: What is your favorite kind currently?
Here's another food group I don't eat much of these days. In my former life I loved cereal. All of it, good and bad. But especially bad! Especially Lucky Charms. These days I usually eat oatmeal. My current obsession is to eat is this way.

D is for Donuts: You might not currently eat them, but what kind do you fancy?
I have not enough words to describe my love of donuts but I'm obviously not eating them anymore. Or I should say not much anymore. Luckily my program nutritionist is firmly of the opinion that it's not realistic to deprive yourself of the foods you enjoy for the rest of your life, so I don't. That said, I definitely don't overindulge either. One donut hole. Or if someone brings donuts to work I will literally cut off a one or two piece bite. And you know what? It's totally enough and I'm actually satisfied and have no urge to have more.

My favorites are cinnamon rolls, apple fritters, chocolate cake, old fashioned and french (chocolate or maple) and jelly filled.

I've mentioned this before but my newer readers may not have seen it. Once you have gastric bypass your body does not process carbs the same way it did before and they can cause some distress. How much distress depends on how sensitive your body is but all carbs can cause the reaction (called Dumping Syndrome), even fruit and milk. I consider myself fortunate that I dump (most people do, but not everyone) but am not so sensitive that any little bit will cause a reaction. For example, I can eat about 1/2 - 2/3 of a small banana, or have about 3 or 4 small bites of dessert before my heart starts racing and the nausea sets in. That's enough to allow me to have my taste, but not overdo it. Dumping is very uncomfortable. The heart racing and the nausea have been the extent of my symptoms, but the symptoms can get much worse and can last up to 4 hours. I consider dumping my favorite thing about my surgery. It keeps me in line. Believe me, you don't want to experience dumping! No donut is worth that!

E is for Eggs: How would you like yours prepared?
I used to be an egg fanatic. Fried. Scrambled. Poached. Hard boiled. Over easy. Quiche. You name it, I ate it. I feel a little like Forrest Gump's friend Bubba talking about shrimp preparation, but I really did love eggs. For some reason in just the past few months, I literally feel like I'm going to throw up when I eat them regardless of the preparation. I'm not sure what's going on but I just can't seem to get them down anymore and it makes me sad.

F is for Fat Free: What is your favorite fat free product?
My program nutritionist does not want us eating fat free (lucky me!) so I don't have any fat free favorites. In case you're wondering, there are some malabsorption issues once they rewire your insides and some vitamins require fat in order for your body to absorb them.

G is for Groceries: Where do you purchase yours?
We do the majority of our shopping at Safeway, with some trips to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods thrown in for good measure.

H: is for Hot Beverages: What is your favorite hot drink?
Coffee. I don't drink much anymore, but I do love my coffee and I love it for the flavor not for the caffeine. I get excited when I see the red cups at Starbucks but sadly no eggnog lattes for me anymore.

I is for Ice Cream: Pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.
I love ice cream. Before my surgery I had ice cream often. The good kind. Full fat and creamy. Yum. There's an awesome chocolate with thick ribbons of peanut butter that I loved. I looked forward to the holidays for the peppermint and eggnog flavors. I usually didn't do any toppings but if I did it was hot fudge. These days it's all about Skinny Cow and Weight Watchers ice creams. I especially love the Weight Watchers Dark Chocolate Raspberry ones and the Dark Chocolate covered White Chocolate Raspberry. Both so good!

J is for Jams or Jellies: Do you eat them? If so, what kind and flavor?
I don't really eat them anymore since surgery, though I have had a teaspoon or two of low sugar types. In my former life I used to eat a lot of PB&J and I loved seedless strawberry jam or seedless blackberry jam.

K is for Kashi: Name your favorite Kashi product?
I see from your blogs that you guys are crazy about Kashi stuff. I've never tried it. Since my diet is high protein, low carb now, I don't even go down that path.

L is for Lunch: What was yours today?
I haven't had lunch today and I'm kind of nauseated right now so I can't even begin to think of what might sound good. Yesterday I think I had bean soup.

M is for microwave: What is your favorite microwave meal/snack?
Oh man I use my microwave for just about everything. I'll cook, but then heat it up in the microwave throughout the week. We eat a lot of bean burritos, or chicken burritos

N is for nutrients: Do you likes carbs, fats, or proteins best?
Thankfully I really love protein and that represents the bulk of my diet these days. I also really love carbs, but I wish it was more fruit and veggies instead of the breads and stuff I shouldn't eat. Don't get me wrong, I love fruit and veggies, but I'd always pick bread over them. Every time.

O is for oil: What kind do you like to use?
I rarely use oil anymore. When I do use them it's olive oil or butter.

P is for protein: How do you get yours?
I'm a sucker for cheese. I eat a lot of it. I also eat a lot of greek yogurt. And milk. And meat/chicken/fish. Trying to get more beans in. I eat a fair amount of nuts. But cheese is what truly floats my boat.

Q is for Quaker: How do you like your oats?
Like this

R is for roasting: What is your favorite thing to roast?
I don't roast my own chicken but I love roasted chicken. And veggies.

S is for sandwich: What’s your favorite kind?
I love sandwiches! I don't eat many anymore because of the whole bread thing. We had an amazing goat cheese, fig, honey and almond slices sandwich in Amsterdam last month that we've had a couple dozen times since we've been back home. I make it as a wrap with a low carb tortilla. It's amazing!

T is for travel: How do you handle eating while traveling?
We just got back from almost three weeks in Europe and we did really well. I would never say that I did as well as I do when we're home (for example, we only saw full fat milk and yogurt instead of low fat), but I was really proud of myself. We usually, though not always, split our meals. Our hotel in London had an amazing buffet breakfast. No hot food like here in the states...it had several different cheeses, fruit, sliced cold meets like salamis and salmon, fruit, yogurt, etc. Exactly the types of foods I should be focusing on! We'd hit a local market every day and get milk, yogurt and fruit to take to our room since we'd wake up at all hours of the night and were hungry. We carried water, protein bars and nuts in our backpack. We did really, really well!

U is for unique: What is one of your weirdest food combos?
I honestly can't think of anything that's really weird. I used to like to dip my fries in my Wendy's frosty. I eat my artichokes with cayenne mayo or sriracha mayo. Nothing else is jumping to mind.

V is for vitamins: What kind do you take?
Since my gastric bypass I have to take vitamins by the boat load. I was taking chewable but I didn't like the way they tasted. I'm now taking regular multivitamins with iron, two pills instead of one. In addition I also take iron, B1, B12, Omega 3, calcium chews and Biotin. Hopefully I won't always have to take all of these, but for now I do.

X is XRAY: If we xrayed your belly right now, what food would we see?
Pepto Bismol and the greek yogurt with oats that I mentioned above

Y is for youth: What food reminds you of your childhood?
The comfort foods of my childhood are fish sticks and rice, mahi mahi and rice, and macaroni and cheese with chopped hotdogs (Hebrew National only, please). I was born in Hawaii and lived there for several years (dad was in the military). My mom loves to tell the story of us going to eat at the JC Penney restaurant at Ala Moana and ordering me the adult size mahi mahi and rice. When they asked if she meant the children's portion she assured them that I would eat the adult meal. I was two. I loved my fish and rice. Still do.

Z is for zucchini: How do you prepare it?
Usually steamed but I loved roasted as well.

Now it’s your turn! Pick a few letters, maybe that spell your name or your initials or some random word, and share your answers. Or do the whole alphabet on your own blog. I can't wait to read your answers!

Same stuff, different day

2011-10-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

I had such big plans for this time off. I was looking forward to having uninterrupted time off to write and thought I'd be posting up a storm. Reality set in, however, and nothing really worked out the way I'd planned.

As I mentioned before, I pretty much slept full time the first week after my surgery and that was what I needed to do in order to heal. So far, so good. Since last Saturday I've pretty much been off pain medication, except for the occasional pill, which has meant I've been awake all week. Awake and watching TV and reading. A couple of days I was ambitious and walked on the treadmill but soon regretted it and haven't walked since. I won't go into detail other than to say that I had a lot of cramping afterwards. I think I overdid it. Lesson learned.

Things are fine, I'm healing well and I'm happy for my health. But I'm going stir crazy. Every one I know is at work. I can't drive so I'm stuck at home. It's not like I can go meet them for lunch or anything. There's only so much TV or movies you can watch. I finally finished my book (The Bonesetter's Daughter. So good!) and have started reading another (The Known World).

I am so incredibly bored. I never call my husband at work. Ever. I'm just not that kind of person. But I actually cried and cried and cried when he got home last night. It sounds really stupid, I know, but I'm really lonely. If you knew me in real life you'd know how unlike me this is.

All those big plans I had for writing never materialized. I just have nothing to say. I've only left my house twice in two weeks. I can't exercise. I haven't cooked. I've got nothing to talk about.

My post-op appointment is Monday morning and I will find out when I can start exercising again. My guess is sometime in December. I can walk before then, but I'm getting anxious to move around. This sitting on the couch and laying in bed is getting really old. I really miss running but I know it's not even a possibility. I'm still struggling with my energy. The pain and the cramping are mostly gone now, but I still don't have any energy.

Also beginning Monday I will start working from home. My doctor was very clear in her instructions on my disability forms that this was to allow me to take naps throughout the day if I needed to. My guess is that I will still need to utilize my nap time. Still, I'm looking forward to the distraction. I actually tried to log on to check my email, but I'm completely blocked from work for legal reasons since I'm on disability. I guess that's good. I would have gotten sucked back into the drama at work so I'm happy for the forced time away.

Ok, I'm off to unload the dishwasher. Jealous? Then I'm going to take some vicodin for my headache and take a nap. See why I haven't been posting? This is pretty boring stuff.

Hope your weekend is awesome :)

I Am Bored

2011-10-26T22:56:00.001-07:00

That is all.

Wednesday Weigh In: My Big Milestone

2011-10-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

I honestly never thought this day would come, but it has. As of yesterday I weigh 199. For so many years this was never even in the realm of possibility. Even when I had my gastric bypass, I'd set my sights so low that I never dreamed it was possible. And now that it's here? It's so weird. I'm happy, obviously, and yet it's strangely anticlimactic. I wish I was as eloquent as so many of you. You would surely be able to put into words what I am struggling to find the words for. I sometimes wish you could just all live inside my head! Maybe it's that it still doesn't seem real. I finally see the changes in the mirror, and when I see pictures of myself I think I don't look too bad, but it still isn't real somehow. I wonder if it ever will be. It's amazing to me how much more accepting I am of my body, flabby as it is, now that I'm a little older. Especially after losing so much weight. Once you've been 300 pounds, anything below 200 pounds and a size 14 is just icing on the cake, so to speak. I'm now 25 pounds from the top of my goal range, but I'll honestly be happy wherever I land even if I don't lose another pound. Life is really good. Now the focus shifts to fitness.

Last week I lost 6.5 pounds, for a total of 95 pounds since I started my gastric bypass journey and a total of 115 pounds from my all time high. Of last week's loss, 1.5 pound was the residual gain from my IV fluids from surgery. I also assumed that my uterus would account for about a pound of that loss, but it seems that a uterus usually weighs less than half a pound. I seem to lose in spurts so I'm not really expecting to lose anything this week. This last week I lost a lot, the week before I gained but that was only fluid from my IV, and I lost a fair amount the two weeks prior to that. I'll be shocked if I lose anything this week.

I feel pretty good. Last week I slept probably 80% of the time. I'm almost completely off my pain medication at this point, just an occasional pill every now and then when I have some cramping. I'm still confused as to what is actually cramping since I no longer have a uterus. Oh well. I honestly forget I had surgery sometimes, but then the fatigue will come out of nowhere and knock me out. I had lunch with my mom yesterday. We stopped by Trader Joe's afterwards and I was completely exhausted when I got home. Other than that I'm honestly fine.

I'm at a weird in-between phase where I'm kind of getting restless and want to be exercising, yet I wouldn't even last 5 minutes at serious exercise. I'm up to 20 minutes on the treadmill but I only go 2mph and I'm really tired when I'm done. Not aerobically tired or winded - my heart rate isn't up - I'm just bone tired. Does that make sense? I'm getting kind of anxious to resume serious exercise. I never thought I'd ever feel that way. Things really do change.

I can't drive until next week so I'm pretty much trapped in the house. I've been watching a lot of TV and movies, and I've picked up the book that's been sitting next to me for weeks and am trying to finish it (The Bonesetter's Daughter). It's a really good book and normally I whip right through books but this one has been a challenge to get through. Not anything to do with the book itself, more to do with my schedule (prior to surgery) and my frame of mind. I will finish this in the next day or two, and then I really hope to finish another book before I head back to work. I have the remainder of this week off work entirely, and next week I will be working from home at a very leisurely pace.

I have a shopping list a mile long from this week's Friend Makin' Monday recipe exchange. My goal is to cook this weekend and next week while I'm still home so that I can freeze some stuff. I've got everything all printed out and ready to go!

Alrighty, I'm off to have my daily greek yogurt with oats. If you're not making this...you're just crazy! It's so good. Continued success on your weight loss and fitness goals!

Friend Makin' Monday: Recipe Exchange

2011-10-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

It's Monday! Or, almost Monday in this case. If you’ve taken part in FMM, you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add a link in the comments section here and at Kenlie's blog, All the Weigh, so we can all see your answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has the opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Ready for this week's topic?

Share one or two of your favorite recipes

Ok, I'm cheating here. I've already posted all of these but I'm pretty obsessed with them and they're all on my regular rotation. Seriously. We eat these All. The. Time. If you're not a fan of spicy, adjust the heat as necessary but do not be scared off. They are fabulous.

Salmon and Sweet Potato Cakes with Spicy Mango sauce

Greek Yogurt with Apple soaked Oats and Berries

Spicy Pumpkin Soup with Coconut Lime Cream

Ok, your turn. Share your recipes on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link.

Please, please, please...if you make any of these recipes come back and let me know what you thought. Everyone I know who's tried them has loved them. I want to know what you thought!

Final Diagnosis

2011-10-21T06:41:00.000-07:00

I have a diagnosis! My doctor called last night with the pathology results and, drumroll please, I had diffuse fibroid tumors and adenomyosis. I'd never even heard of adenomyosis before. It's when endometrial tissue grows inside the uterine muscle fibers. My mom had it, too. I wonder if it's hereditary. I'll ask when I go in for my post-op appointment.

I'm feeling pretty good, all things considered. I did ask my doctor for some stronger pain medication because the vicodin just wasn't strong enough. This is perfect. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can get off it completely in a few days. For now I'm comfortable and each day it gets a bit easier to get in and out chairs. I think I'm doing really well and am struggling more with fatigue at this point.

Today I will jump on the treadmill. My goal is 2mph for 5 minutes. Considering I was running last weekend, this goal makes me laugh but I don't think I could go more than 5 minutes and certainly not much faster than 2mph. The doctor said light walking is fine but no exercise for 6 more weeks.

DH and I have been wanting to return to yoga but we wanted to try a different studio. My friend told me about this place. DH took yesterday off to hang out with me and we went by to check it out. We loved it! Such a great vibe. There are two studios, one regular and one heated. They have classes 7 days a week pretty much from 6am to 9pm. We're all signed up, we each bought a 5-class package and we're ready to go once I can start exercising. I'm so excited! They have a flying yoga class that fascinates me. You're supported by hammock-like things suspended from beams in the ceiling which help you get into poses. I can't wait to try it out. I'll let you know how it goes. In addition, they teach meditation, tai chi and Indian dance. Eight classes a month for only $65! I think that's crazy good. We were paying $12 a class before to be packed like sardines into a noisy studio. This place is really big and very upscale.

I still want to try a zumba class, too. Honestly though, this yoga place offers so many different types of yoga classes that I may just try that out for awhile. I have a tendency to get myself in over my head. I'll probably do yoga for a few months and see which classes I like, then see how the zumba fits in. I guess I should try a class to see if I even like it! LOL

I hope to go to a movie this weekend. Probably 50/50 or Ides of March. Have any of you seen those? Thoughts?

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday Weigh In

2011-10-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

Not much to report this week. I still have not gotten rid of the fluid from my IV so I'm up 1.5 pound, for a total loss of 88.5. I was up 5 pounds yesterday, so we're making good progress. My hands and feet are still pretty swollen.

My hysterectomy was Monday morning. Everything went well. They said I could go home that night if I wanted. I felt OK, so I was discharged about 7:30pm. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, I really wish I would have spent the night. I'm mobile and things are fine, but my pain was much more controlled in the hospital. I felt OK when I checked out since I was still pretty medicated, but after the anesthesia fully wore off and the Toradol injection wore off I was incredibly sore. Lesson learned for any future surgeries...I'm staying even if they give me the option of going home.

All in all this surgery has been much more painful than my gastric bypass. That recovery was easy peasy. This one? Not so much. I'm glad it's over and am looking forward to being healed once and for all.

So here's a pic of me from the night I had my gastric bypass last December, and then one taken Monday night in the same spot. I'm 80 pounds lighter. Not bad! I can't believe how different I look. For so long I didn't see any changes, but now when I look at this picture it doesn't even look like me. It's kinda weird actually.


December 7, 2010

October 17, 2011

It's so hard getting in and out of bed, getting in and out of chairs, but I'm fairly mobile. I made a few days worth of the greek yogurt with oatmeal that I love so much, and I made some pudding. I did the dishes yesterday. That was pretty much my entire day. I'm hoping by tomorrow or Friday I'll feel a little better so I can stroll on the treadmill, like 2mph for 10 minutes. I figure that's a good goal. Honestly, even that sounds overwhelming right now. Maybe 5 minutes is more realistic. Who knows. It's hard to tell honestly.

OK, I'm taking some vicodin and heading back to bed. How's your weight loss journey going? Are you exercising?

Friend Makin' Monday: Stereotyping

2011-10-17T03:32:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep and I'm sitting around waiting to leave for the hospital for my surgery. So glad that Kenlie's posted FMM already!!!

If you’ve taken part in FMM, you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add a link in the comments section here and at Kenlie's blog, All the Weigh, so we can all see your answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has the opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Ready for this week's topic?

Have you ever been the victim of stereotyping? If so, please elaborate. What do you wish people thought of you as they notice you for the first time?

For sure I've been stereotyped as the fat chick who does nothing but sit around and eat junk food all day long. A long ago roommate even made some snarky remark about me eating a dozen donuts, a gallon of ice cream and a pizza. I've never in my life eaten one of those things, let alone all of them. It was quite painful to think that someone actually thought that about me.

I remember vividly a day many years ago at work when I was exiting the building with my very cute coworker. A very handsome man held the door open for her, then let it slam in my face. I was horrified and so embarrassed. I obviously did not deserve the same courtesy that she did.

I've noticed a HUGE change in the way people treat me now that I've lost weight (Not done yet, though! Still losing!). Men smile at me and hold doors open for me now. And they're actually somewhat flirtatious now. I am so conflicted because I like it, yet I'm also really resentful of it and very uncomfortable with it. I'm still the same person. You should be nice to me no matter what I look like!

I wish they would have noticed that I'm charming and funny and smart and well-rounded and intelligent and worth knowing, regardless of my weight. I met my DH at my all time highest weight, and he's participating right along side of me on this journey to be healthier. I'm happy he looked past my weight.

Ok, your turn. Answer this week's topic on your blog and then come back here and Kenlie's blog to post the link.

Just saw Contagion...

2011-10-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

and all I want to do is wash my hands now. That is all.

A pretty fab weekend, actually

2011-10-15T19:59:00.000-07:00

Friday started off pretty rough with the anxiety attack that came out of nowhere, but it got pretty awesome that night with a party of old coworkers. One of them I keep in regular touch with, my Google friend that I've mentioned here before, and I keep in touch with the others over Facebook though it's been several years since I've actually seen them in person. What a wonderful night! It was so much fun. My Google friend hosted it at her new house, which is lovely by the way, and she made the best mac and cheese I've ever tasted. It was great to see everyone and it was a much needed distraction.

Then tonight I had dinner with one of my girlfriends. We went to a new chowder house that opened recently in Los Gatos, about 10 minutes from where I live. I got the lobster bisque and it was to die for. We met at the restaurant and she was a little late in arriving so I headed into the brand new cheese shop that had recently opened next door to the restaurant. They had lots of samples, and after sampling lots of stuff I walked out with fresh ricotta and some goat cheese. I am eating ricotta with berries tomorrow for breakfast - I've got it all planned out!

My doctor called this afternoon with the results of my ultrasound. My ovaries are perfect, but there does seem to be a problem with my uterus so I guess it's good that it's coming out. The muscle tissue should be homogeneous, meaning the tissue should be the same throughout, but my muscle tissue is heterogeneous, meaning there's something within the muscle fibers that shouldn't be there. Disclaimer: I'm obviously not a doctor so this is my interpretation of what she said, assisted with some googling. She said that there is no reason to be believe at this point that it is cancer and she suspects it is most likely fibroid tumors. We'll find out for sure when they do the pathology after surgery. Please keep your fingers crossed that it's the fibroids, otherwise I'm in for a whole other round of treatments. It was nice to have some medical confirmation that I'm not just being a baby and that there's actually been a reason for all this pain and cramping and bleeding.

DH and I are going to see a movie tomorrow to take my mind off things. Trying to decide between 50/50, Drive, Contagion and The Ides of March. I'm thinking probably Contagion just because it's been out the longest and will disappear from theaters the soonest. If you're a movie person, we saw Moneyball and Crazy, Stupid, Love recently and loved them both. Check them out if you can.

Okie dokie. I'll be back online as soon as I've feeling up to it. Thanks so much for all your well wishes. It really does mean a lot to me.

Wise words

2011-10-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

I've posted this one before, but it's so profound that it bears repeating...

Comparison is the thief of joy

~ author unknown

Here's what's cooking

2011-10-14T16:11:00.000-07:00

We had the potluck to end all potlucks today at work and this was my contribution: Spicy Dr Pepper Shredded Pork, recipe courtesy of Pioneer Woman. mmmmm I've posted this recipe before. I make it a few times a year and then divide it up into 4 containers and freeze 3 of them. We throw some on tortillas and add guacamole. It's heavenly. If spicy's not your thing, decrease the chipotle peppers or leave them out entirely. The peppers come in a can with adobo sauce, so you may want to throw in a pepper or two for flavor (that wouldn't be spicy, I promise), use all the adobo sauce, and discard the remaining peppers.

Our potluck was an all day affair and we had enough food to rival the buffets in Vegas. I had a few bites of quiche, a few bites of the pork, a few bites of salmon, some fruit salad and (half!) a homemade pumpkin cupcake with pumpkin cream cheese frosting that was life-changing. It was that good. Everyone congratulated me on how well I did, but honestly all that food was making me nauseated. Individually, it looked good, but all together it was just too much.

I really thought I wasn't nervous about my upcoming surgery but I had a full blown anxiety attack at work today. It was a pretty slow day at work and the potluck was to celebrate the end of quarter-end. I took off early and am currently home becoming one with my Xanax. It's kicking in now, so I'm going to go lay down. I'm obviously more anxious that I thought I was.

Happy Friday. Enjoy the weekend! Blessings to you and your family.